Young Queen

FIFTEEN

Of course, as soon as I pulled away from Leo I remembered everything that was going on. I knew this was going to end up in a war or with someone getting hurt, there was going to be at least one person that didn't walk away from this and I prayed it wasn't Leo.

The anxiety was already beginning to eat me up and I felt truly sick to my stomach. How could I accept these things like it was no big deal? It was a big deal, these were lives we were dealing with.

Why was Leo acting so cool about this? Surely he had to have the same thoughts floating around his head as I was. Maybe it was easier for him. He was used to this life, he knew what it meant, he trained in Italy for two years. I didn't. That man in the conference room was right, I didn't know anything about this business. I was an eighteen-year-old girl for God's sake and now I was worrying about moles and wars and betrayal. When did my life make this dramatic change? I loved Leo, so why was I having these second thoughts now?

Maybe it was because I murdered a man on my eighteenth birthday, maybe it was because Leo was shot in the chest and almost assassinated, maybe because I turned to punching girls in the face when I didn't like what they were saying, maybe it was because I witnessed my boyfriend beating the shit out of a kid for punching me, maybe it was the people bowing their heads at me like I was royalty, maybe it was me being sucked into a violent, deadly world that I had no idea about, or maybe it was all of those things.

Maybe it was me realizing just how fucked up my life had gotten. Leo was the best thing that happened to me - he was my dream, my world, and because of those things I allowed myself to act ignorant towards the other aspects of his life until I was in too deep. I had to have some idea that he did things like this so why was I so surprised now? My head was pounding at the back and forth I kept doing, why couldn't I make up my mind about what I wanted?

As I looked into Leo's eyes, I couldn't help the guilt that began eating away at me. It wasn't his fault either, none of this was. He didn't have a choice in this lifestyle, he was only eighteen years old too. He was young and probably had no idea what he was doing, neither of us did because ultimately we were just kids in love who didn't ask for any of this. Maybe I should just walk away from this while I still had the chance, I should push myself away from Leo before I truly lost him to this life. It would be easier for me to walk away from everything, but I couldn't.

His soft eyes looked into mine, and I could see the love that was swirling within them as well as gratitude. It was gratitude that he held for me because I decided to stand along with him through all of this. And at that moment my own eyes softened as I looked at him. The questions from earlier still lingered, but I felt so much more secure as his eyes broadcasted me his soul. He didn't hide anything and left everything open for me to see.

I felt sick to my stomach. How could I even think about leaving someone that had done nothing but supported me and loved me for the past year almost? I loved Leo, so why did I have to complicate the good things in my life to the point where they weren't good anymore?

I knew my worrying wouldn't ever go away, but I also knew I could survive anything with Leo by my side. I knew that one way or another we would get through whatever was to come because that was how all great, epic love stories ended and Leo and I were a great, epic love.

"How did you make me fall in love with you?" I asked him, our eyes still tightly locked with each other. I didn't understand how my love for this man brought me undesirable anxiety but also surrounded me with love and security. I was truly fucked up in the head. A soft smile found its way onto his beautiful face making him look much younger without the stress from everything overshadowing it.

"My charm," he flirted and I let out a small laugh. It was almost as if Leo knew what was going through my head because he said, "Don't worry yourself so much, Aria, we'll get through this. I promise you that."