The Only Thing I Ever Really Loved (Corey Taylor)

Chapter 6

One Month Later:

"Ashwee mail came sweetheart." Miranda announced as she knocked on my door.

"Come in." I tell her as I try to think of what to write next on my essay.

She popped in to toss some envelopes on my mattress before saying she was heading out for a bit. I turned in my creaky computer chair to pick up and flip through the mail before something caught my attention. A small black envelope with a surprising return address stared up at me and I rose an eyebrow before catching on. I gulped and shakily tore open the paper, just as I had thought. 

"Hey Ash do you have any cash I could borrow?" Miranda asked as she stepped back into my room, but when she saw my expression she looked concerned, "Is everything alright?"

I threw the card to the ground angrily only for her to carefully pick it up. Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open slightly when she read it.

"Corey's getting married after all?"

I scoffed, "Yeah, Sarah showed up when I went to apologize to him because she had a change of heart."

"Why did you tell me about this months ago?"

I shrugged heavily, "I just didn't want to talk about it."

"Well you guys clearly made up since he invited you to the wedding."

"Yeah or Sarah suggested it. I didn't even talk to him that day, after I saw him holding her and kissing her I just had to leave. I told Anthony to say that I had apologized."

"So have you really forgave him?"

I tore at the edge of a piece of junk mail muttering, "I'm not really sure."

She flopped down on my bed, "Care to explain?"

"I'm just confused I guess. Like I wish I knew why I let it happen..."

"The kiss?"

I shook my head, "No, when I went to Anthony's and saw Corey make up with her I realized something I shouldn't have even thought of."

"Ash you aren't making sense."

"I love him, okay?" I confessed. 

Her expression barely changed as she said, "Well duh, I've known that for a long time. Ever since our senior year of high school when we started hanging out at that apartment with your brother and him I knew it. I saw that you didn't look at him like you would anyone else, he clearly meant so much more to you, like he had saved you or something."

"He gave me hope and made me feel safe." I mumbled bowing my head a bit.

"Does he know that?"

My eyes flicked up to her face, "Why should he?"

Miranda shrugged, "If I had that sort of effect on someone I'd love to know."

"He has plenty of fans that probably tell him that every day."

"But are they you? No. You matter to him too hun, he wouldn't bother with you if you didn't."

I shrugged and staying quiet.

"I think you should tell him."

"I haven't tried to talk to him in months."

"That's why now is the perfect time, ask about the wedding, and how tour went. Hell if you feel up to it, actually tell him that you forgive him for what happened, but only if you really mean it. Don't do it just to make him feel better, forgiveness is more for you than him in this situation."

"I guess I could..."

She scooped my phone off my desk to throw in on my lap gently, "Ask him if you can stop by for a minute." 

I rolled my eyes lightly before picking up the phone and texting Corey to see if he was busy. When my cell dinged with a response a few minutes later Miranda looked like an excited puppy that had just heard a squeak toy. I couldn't stop myself from laughing softly at that. 

The message read, I'm actually relaxing for once, why do you ask?

You care if I drop by?

Sure why not? You can probably guess where I am right now, so I'll see you soon.

"Can I see?" Miranda asked leaning over my shoulder somewhat and I held the phone up for her to take so I could change out of my sweats. "I just love that about him."

"What?" I questioned as I slid on some dark blue jeans before snatching a black sweater off of a hanger in my closet.

"That no matter what happens he always seems to forgive you." She tells me with a dreamy smile.

I full on rolled my eyes at her this time, "There's a few things I could do that I'm sure he wouldn't forgive me for. Besides I've never messed up this bad with him before."

"Uh yes you have, remember the first time he found you drunk when you had just turned 18 flirting with some guy almost three times your age? He seemed like he was pissed at you for such a long time."

"I had been mad at him for some reason and I was just trying to get his attention like a little girl."

"Well it worked and if I remember correctly it was because he hadn't made it for your birthday, which made you flip out."

I laughed, slightly embarrassed by the memory.

He had nearly killed that guy for trying to take my highly intoxicated self to his car for god knows what and then Corey lectured me for the first time ever that night. Even though I was tipsy I can still remember that he looked so good being that angry. I was scared and excited at the same time by his behavior and I almost wasn't able to hide it. Sometimes when I think back on these things I can't help wondering if he knew how much of a crush I had on him. And if he did, does that mean he knows how I'm feeling now? Hopefully he will save me the shame and embarrassment and never bring it up, but knowing Corey he can never leave things as they lie.

So I'm probably going to be in a lot of trouble here soon if I can't keep myself together.