The Only Thing I Ever Really Loved (Corey Taylor)

Chapter 26

As soon as I ran out into the windy night everyone else let out a gasp at the sight of me.

I could just manage to stutter out, "C-Corey?"

"Ashley, you don't need to be out here! He's not talking to anyone anyway!" Anthony scolded me, for some reason it made me think back to when we had first moved in with Corey.

"No, let her stay." Corey's deep voice sounded so hoarse, like he had been yelling or crying.

I walked past everyone that was out here, keeping my eyes fixed on Corey the whole time. Since I had no inkling of what to say to him I said a simple, "Hey."

He let out a dark laugh, "Hey yourself."

"I thought you told me that you were fine."

"I am; can't you tell? Soon enough I'll be fantastic."

"So you want this all to be over? You want everything you've worked for just to go to waste like that? Corey, this can't be you talking right now."

"I just want to be numb for good. This isn't cutting it anymore."

"You won't even be numb, you'll be gone and you will be leaving the rest of us behind. Do you really want to do that?"

"Yeah Corey, just come down and talk to us for a minute. We can figure this out together." Roy adds in.

"Only with you." Corey speaks so softly that I believe the only reason I could hear him was because I was standing close behind him.

So I asked, "Only who?"

"You."

I turned to motion for everyone else to come near me and informed them, "He said he'll come down to talk, but only if it's just me and him."

No one protested the request and they quietly wished me good luck as they left. Now it was just me and Corey and I was scared to death even more than before. What if I couldn't talk him out of it?

"Alright, they're gone. Get down here." I tell him, struggling to keep my composure.

My heart nearly stopped when he turned around on the edge that he was standing on before finally getting off of it and approaching me. I immediately lost my calm façade and crashed into him, wrapping my arms tightly around his frame as I cried.

"I'm sorry!" I sob as I press my face against his chest.

He slowly put his arms around my shoulders asking, "What are you sorry for?

"That I've been avoiding you. If I had known that you were this sad I wouldn't have and I shouldn't have anyway. I was just being selfish because I was hurting. I'm so sorry." I confess in a rush as tears streamed down my cheeks.

"None of this is your fault. Don't blame yourself for this."

I dug my fingers into his shirt, making sure that I could feel him there, that I wasn't stuck in a horrible nightmare. "I can't help it. I refuse to lose anyone else important to me as long as I can stop it from happening."

He let out a quick sigh, "You don't know how to give up, do you? A lot of stuff has occurred since I last saw you. Honestly it was going on even when you were around. I guess you made it all easier to deal with."   

I gave him a confused look, "Like what?"

"Do you remember the night I came to your apartment after Sarah had turned down my proposal?"

I nodded, how in the world could I have possibly forgotten that day? It was when I had first properly kissed him.

"The reason she gave me was that she was in love with Travis, but then the next day she came to Anthony's saying she had reconsidered it. Turns out it was because she had heard something about how much more successful I was compared to him and I only found that out because I accidentally over heard it."

"You've got to be kidding me." I say in disbelief.

He shook his head, "Then after that I found out that she was still seeing him even though we were engaged at that point, but she had already quit her job and I felt bad for her. So I let her stay at the apartment until she could get another one instead of just living off of me like she had planned."

He paused to inhale deeply and raked his hands through his hair before continuing, "That's when things really got bad on my part with the drinking and she used that to her advantage. She and Travis would go out on the town with my money, while I was too concerned with when I was going to get my next buzz. Along with one other thing that kept getting me sidetracked."

With that he smirked at me and I instantly knew he was referring to me. I decided not to comment on it, but instead I told him, "You know, we should probably go back to our rooms soon, before someone in the hotel staff figures out we're up here."

I was pleasantly surprised when he didn't put up a fuss, saying, "Alright, let's go."

I was shocked even further when we reached his room that he pulled me in with him.

"Stay in here and talk to me for awhile, please?" He asks with a sad smile that I couldn't say no to.

"Okay."