Silent but Deadly

13. Realization

Realization

Noun

an act of becoming fully aware of something as a fact

Or

the fulfillment or achievement of something desired or anticipated

Jungkook realized he truly fucked up. He doesn't know why he was so cold and bitter towards Namjoon, he doesn't understand why he does half the stuff he does. He felt sorry for Namjoon actually because the older latter didn't deserve what Jungkook was doing to him.

The younger boy realized he was in the bed alone again. He wonders where Namjoon goes in the middle of the night. Quite frankly, Jungkook kinda missed Namjoon's touch and compassion.

Today was a dreadful day for Jungkook actually, it was the anniversary of when his parents had died. It was also the day where Jungkook first abused Namjoon for no reason. It wasn't Namjoon's fault at all but yet Jungkook made it seem like it was.

Namjoon pitied the boy for losing his parents the same day of his life achievement. Since that day, everything had been different for both boys. Namjoon did everything he could to comfort his boyfriend but Jungkook only pushed him away like he was a burden to him.

Jungkook had his whole life planned ahead of him. He was gonna go to college, get a good paying job, Marry Namjoon and so much more but instead he ended up being in a gang and his life went downhill from there. Jungkook often wonders what it would be like if his parents were still here. Would they have been proud? Or would they be disappointed?

Jungkook eventually got out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror, disgusted at what he saw. He saw himself as a cold hearted killer who just wanted to live a normal life again but couldn't. Namjoon deserves so much better than him, he wasn't shit anymore.

Jungkook walked out the bathroom and got dressed. He walked down the stairs ignoring Jimin and Taehyung's presence in the room and walked out the door with his keys. Jungkook hopped into his car and drove to the nearest flower shop to pick up some flowers.

He drove to the cemetery and parked the car. He walked towards where his beloved parents were buried and sat in front of their graves. Jungkook was suffering without them but no one knew that. "Hi mom, hi dad. I miss you guys" Jungkook sniffled.

Jungkook realized he was alone. He pushed everyone that cared about him the most away. He only relied on Taehyung and his Gang members but they were killers. They didn't care what their leader was going through.

Jungkook reflected back on his life wondering where it all went wrong. He was a good person, a straight A student, helped others whenever in need. He wanted to be himself again but something in him wouldn't allow him to. It was almost like he was trapped in someone else's spirit.

He realized all the pain and damage he had caused everyone, especially Namjoon. Jungkook started crying uncontrollably once he got back to his car. He was genuinely upset with himself for his actions. Jungkook wasn't proud of who he has become.

The younger boy stopped crying and rested his head on the steering wheel. He realized the biggest thing of all, no one was ever going to love him the way Namjoon did.

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A/N: OKAY BUT LIKE HOW TF AM I ALREADY AT 300 READS HOLY FUCK LIKE I WAS AT 200 READS YESTERDAY?!!?!!?!!

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