Vorfreude

Chapter 46

What's life without a little bit of uncertainty? Uncertainty brings us new beginnings and new beginnings strengthen us as a whole. Life is constantly changing, but life could not change without a little bit of uncertainty. My brain flips its switch and suddenly I'm certain that I need to live for a little more uncertainty.

Harry smiles wide as I walk towards him. As I make it to the edge of the bed, he moves over so I can slide up and into it. I never say the words, but my actions speak louder than they ever have before.

"Andy is going to kill me," I say out loud as I start to think twice about the reality of the situation as soon as I feel the firmness of his mattress. What is Andy doing right now? Has he cared I've been gone all day? What about Oliver? His job is to be with me almost 24 hours a day.

"Andy doesn't care. He knows you're safe with me."

I pull the sheets over my body and Harry does the same. He reaches over to the nightstand and pulls out a remote. I look at him a little estranged because there are only books lined in front of us. My eyes quickly take in all of our other surroundings. There's not a TV in sight.

"Am I though?" I ask a little too redundantly late. Harry clicks a button on the side of the remote and one shelf in the middle of the cases begins to lower while a large TV slides over the now voided space. I would be speechless, but being rich has its perks. I should've honestly saw that coming.

"You don't think you're safe with me?" he furrows his brows. I smile to reveal that I'm joking. At least I hope I'm joking.

"I'm kidding," I say. Harry's hand finds mine in one swift movement. His fingers elope mine and my body shutters at the touch.

"If you ever feel unsafe, tell me, but in my eyes, you're always going to be safe with me, love."

I smile and look back at the screen. Harry hesitates, but suddenly starts scrolling on Netflix.

"Close your eyes and say when," he tells me. I glance back at him.

"What?"

"Just do it."

I close my eyes and wait a couple of seconds. "Uh, when," I say and reopen them. Harry grins at me and presses play. "The Ranch?" I ask, kind of giggling.

"You said when. It's not my irony that this is what you picked."

I get what he's implying. Just because I'm from Texas makes this ironic. Jokes on him. The Ranch isn't even based in Texas.

Little does Harry know though, The Ranch is my mom and Ants favorite TV show. They binge-watched it together when it first came out. All the way up to this last season, Ant goes over to my parents' house to watch it with my mom when she calls. I've never really got the hype, but maybe now I will. Or I might just fall asleep because my eyes feel heavy. Am I supposed to go back to the hotel tonight? I feel like I probably should.

"I dig it," I say and shuffle into Harry's soft, thick sheets. Uncertainty, Kat, keep living in the uncertainty. He releases our hands and gently moves his arm behind me, placing it around me. Voluntarily I move forward and rest my head onto his chest. I question my action as I hear the unsteady rhythm of his heart. For a moment, I smile. This means Harry has the same reaction to me as I do to him. Maybe that's not the truth, but then again, what's life without a little bit of uncertainty. Gosh, what am I getting myself into?

...

Harry and I both fell asleep sometime after Rooster's disappearance on the show. I don't recall falling asleep, but I do know being asleep next to Harry felt right. We never once moved, which is strange for me, but it's a kind of comfort that I can say I enjoyed. I got a phone call around 4 am from Oliver nagging me that I needed to be back in order to get ready for my early morning signing. I woke Harry but documented in my brain how peaceful he looks when he sleeps. He drove me back to my hotel while resting his hand on my thigh. Neither one of us said a word all the way there. The press seemed to be asleep and no one even looked our way as we rode in the dead of the morning. I take this time to replay all of yesterday's activities and I smile upon remembrance. I never thought yesterday would've played out the way it did, but I'm glad it did.