Vorfreude

Chapter 2

3 months ago..

"A lot of people self-publish," Anthony reassures me, swinging his backpack on his shoulder. I let out a huge sigh and mimic his actions. He's right and logically I probably should, but I'll never tell him that.
"Yeah, but I was really hoping to hear back from that publishing company," I reply as both of us start walking through the glass doors and into the direct sunlight of Texas.

Jesus, why's it so bright?

I don't think anyone is truly getting it. I believe in myself, I do, but when the agent from Powell's publishing house thought I was good enough to ask me to submit a manuscript, I was certain I was on the right track of my life. Now, all I can think about it maybe I was wrong this entire time. Could my writing be so bad that I won't even get an explanation or an "unfortunately we're not able to publish you at this time," email?

Who tells someone they want to publish them and then never gets back with them?

"We're graduating in two weeks, Ant. I have an English degree that I'm not even sure what I'm supposed to do with now."

I understand that these things take times, but it's been 5 months since I've last talked to them and if they were seriously interested things would be moving a lot quicker.

"You keep doing what you're doing Kat. You're a fucking incredible poet," he looks at me with a smirk. "And it's safe to say you know it."

I shake my head and let the laughter roll off my tongue. He shrugs and says "what?? You didn't know I could rhyme too?"

I lightly shove him in his shoulder and roll my eyes. I hope he's right. As I said, I've always believed in myself, but it's getting to the point of why try if this actually isn't my calling. Education has always been my fall back considering my map in the English department, but I can't handle teaching children. They would think I was a child being I'm on 5'2" and every time I go into a school to get partial credit hours, people assume I go there.

I'm angry to be honest because at this point any kind of feedback would be beneficial compared to a cold shoulder. I don't know how much longer I should wait before considering my options.

"Are you going to the party tonight?" Ant asks, pulling me away from my thoughts.

"Um, no," I reply looking at him like he's lost his mind. I don't do parties. He's known me for like 15 years and partying is one thing he knows I definitely cannot stand. Especially end of the year parties. I've managed to control my "wild" side all throughout high school and now my four long years of college. There's no way I'm changing that now.

"Come on Kat, it's our last chance to be lit before graduation. You owe me this."

He stops walking and looks at me. I pretend not to notice until his hand is pulling on my arm.

"Ant, I'm not going," I say, laughing. "I have a hot date with my computer and that's the only man I will ever commit to."

He lets out a long exaggerated sigh before following suit and continuing to walk by my side.

"I guess I'll have to see if Erin will go with me," he continues. I stop this time and give him a "are you kidding me" look.

"If you don't ask her out now, your chances are running thin. She leaves in 3 days for Greece. A prince will probably ask her to marry him."

I watch his eyes fall and the red heat up around his cheeks.

"I don't want to ask her out.." he says but doesn't make eye contact with me. I sigh and shake my head.