Begin Again

4.

A month had passed since Taylor called off the engagement. She felt lost. Everywhere she went reminded her of the actress. She felt like an intruder in her own home. She missed the old Taylor and she was scared that she would never get her back.

She started going out less. Whenever she needed anything, she would ask her security to go get it. She spent days without leaving the house. She tried writing music, but she couldn't get her mind off of her failed engagement. She couldn't stop thinking about how she pushed her family and friends away from her. She felt like she had betrayed everyone she cared about.

She knew what she did was right, but it still hurt. Even now, a month after what happened, she missed the older woman. She missed having the actress in her home. She missed her, but she had no reason to. Dianna made her life miserable and even now that she was gone, Taylor's life was still miserable.

Her tour was supposed to start in a couple of weeks, but she couldn't even bring herself to try and be excited for it. All the songs she would be performing would only remind her of her failed love life. Most of the songs on her album were about Dianna and now she had to sing them in front of thousands of people.

Her friends called to check up on her every day, but she started letting their calls go straight to voicemail. Her brother even tried coming to visit, but she just left him locked outside of her home. Her parents started to get worried about her. Hell, even her security started to worry about her.

She started eating less and sleeping more. She couldn't remember the last time she saw the light of day. Her shades were always drawn. Her eyes were no longer the bright blue that they used to be, instead they were red and puffy from crying and looking at her phone screen for too long. Her skin was paler than usual. Her lips were chapped and cut from her chewing on them. Her hair was knotted in different places. She felt miserable in her own skin.

Today was no different than her previous days. She was lying on her bed watching reruns of Law & Order SVU, when she heard a knock on the front door. She groaned, but got up thinking it was her security guard coming to drop off the groceries she had asked for an hour ago.

When she got to the door, she saw the silhouette of her friend. Groaning she opened the door knowing it was too late to walk away now.

"Oh my God," She heard Lily say under her breath. Taylor wasn't too surprised at Lily's reaction; she was sure she would have the same reaction if she hadn't been living with herself for the past month. Taylor was a mess and she knew it.

"Come in I guess," Taylor's voice was raspy and filled with tiredness; it almost hurt using her voice seeing as she hadn't been using it that much lately. She turned around and walked away leaving the door open for Lily to come in.

"Why haven't you been answering any of my calls or text? Taylor, I've been worried about you," Lily said reaching a hand out and grabbing a hold of Taylor's hand. She almost flinched when she came in contact with the cold skin.

"I haven't answered anybody's calls and texts, don't take it personally," She said pulling her hand away and walking to her kitchen only to find the NDA's from a month ago. She couldn't bring herself to send them to her publicist; she knew that when she did, everything would be truly over and that scared her.

"What happened?" Lily's voice was filled with worry. It made Taylor sad to know that she was the cause of that. Lily was always a cheerful person; it was unlike her to be sad or worried.

"I called off my engagement with Dianna a month ago," The singer's voice cracked as she said it. Lily was the first person to hear Taylor say it out loud.

"Aw, Taylor. Why didn't you tell me? I would've come sooner," The model reached for the singer to give her a hug, but she stopped when she noticed her flinch.

"Like I said, I haven't spoken to anyone since it happened. I actually prefer to be alone these days," It wasn't a complete lie. Taylor hadn't spoken to anyone in the past month, but it didn't mean she liked being alone. Being alone just made things easier.

"That can't be healthy. Come on, you're coming out with me tonight," Lily wanted to do anything to make Taylor feel better. It hurt to see the signer so sad and broken.

"No, I look terrible and the media won't be helpful either. I'm staying in. You can stay if you'd like, but I'm not going anywhere," Taylor had already made up her mind. If it was up to her, she would never leave her home again.

Lily gave her a stern look; it was the one she uses during photoshoots. If Taylor's eyes hadn't still been puffy, Lily might've been able to hold her stare for longer, but she couldn't stand seeing her friend like this. Lily had been around too many sad people that had pushed her away, but she wasn't going to let Taylor do that, she wouldn't let Taylor do that. Sighing, Lily put her hands up in surrender.

"Okay, come on, we're cooking something. I'm hungry and you look like you could use a meal," Taylor attempted to smile when Lily poked at her sides, but it came out as more of a sad broken smile than anything else.