Begin Again

1.

The 1st day of December was like any other day...or at least she thought it was. She was on the phone with Sam when she entered her home to start the worst day of her entire life. She had gotten out of the studio early and she wanted to surprise her girlfriend, but in the end, it was her girlfriend that surprised her.

When Taylor walked into her Beverly Hills home, she nearly dropped her phone when she saw her girlfriend tangled up with another woman on their couch. The sight shook her to her core as she felt millions of emotions flash before her. She felt anger and disgust, but she also felt sadness and heartbreak. She couldn't believe that the woman she loved so dearly could have done something like this to her.

Her friends warned her that something was wrong but she didn't want to believe them. Instead, she ignored their calls and attempts of reaching out. She busied herself with her songwriting and her work in the studio. She stopped going out and stayed home instead. There were countless nights when she had cried herself to sleep after an argument with Dianna about her friends.

Taylor had left everything behind for the older actress. She had let her mind become clouded with Dianna's judgment and ridicule. Her lyrics weren't good enough and her voice was too high pitched, Dianna would tell her, but somehow Taylor managed to still fall in love with the actress...or at least she thought this was love.

It had to be love. That was why she stayed with the actress. She loved her, right? Maybe she was too young to understand why Dianna acted this way with her. Surely the actress loved her too...right?

Was she wrong to think this way? Was she wrong to let the woman she loved tear her away from her normal life? Was she wrong for letting herself be dragged into this life of fearing that she'll leave? Was she wrong to have that fear? Was she wrong to still feel love for the woman on the couch with someone else?

"Sam, I'll call you back." She said quickly hanging up before Sam could ask a single question. She knew that she wouldn't be able to answer any of them without breaking down in tears where she stood. She needed to be strong right now. She wouldn't give Dianna the satisfaction of seeing her cry...at least not yet.

Dianna quickly lifted up her head when she heard Taylor's voice. To say she was shocked would be an understatement, she was completely frightened. Frightened not by how Taylor would react or what Taylor would say, but frightened of being left. Her fear didn't come from love, it came from greed.

Dianna felt no guilt for cheating. She felt no sadness for letting down the singer. She felt no anger with herself for being unfaithful. She stopped feeling that months ago when their relationship started going downhill.

Sure, she felt nothing towards the singer anymore, but she couldn't leave her. Not because she loved her, but because she knew that she was nothing without Taylor. She would just be a struggling actress if she didn't have Taylor to hide behind. She knew all of this, but that didn't stop her from manipulating the younger girl. Her manipulation is what kept Taylor around.

Her manipulation is what scared Taylor the most. She had convinced her that she was nothing without the actress, not the other way around. She convinced her that no one would lover her like she did. She had convinced her to stay home countless times when her friends begged her to come out. She had even convinced her to stop talking to her friends, or at least most of them. Selena, Sam and Ed were impossible to keep away.

Selena had tried coming over on many occasions but Taylor had told her otherwise. Sam would call every day and Taylor would only answer every so often. Ed would come by the studio to visit and help her with her music, but Taylor had stopped going to the studio every day. They were the only ones that still tried to reach out. The others had accepted that Taylor wanted nothing to do with them anymore, although there were a few that still tried to reach out every once in a while.

"Get out," Taylor had said. Those two words scared Dianna the most. Those two small words held so much power in them, Taylor had every right to say them. She had every right to kick her out, this was her house after all. She had every right to want her gone. She had every right to want this to end. Taylor had every right to say those words and that's what scared Dianna the most.

"Tay, you can't be serious," Dianna had said getting off the couch. She followed the singer to the staircase and only stopped when Taylor turned around and looked down at her, "Can we please talk about this?"

"No," Taylor said turning back around and ascending to her room. She didn't need to turn around to know that Dianna was still following her. She hoped with all her heart that it was because she loved her that she wanted to talk things out. She wanted to believe that it was because she felt guilty of what she did that she wanted to talk things out. She wanted to believe that Dianna actually cared about her. As much as she wanted to believe these things, she knew that they were all wrong.

She felt the actress's cold and rough hand wrap itself around her wrist. She felt herself shudder with fear of what Dianna would do. She shut her eyes tightly to keep the tears from spilling. She felt Dianna lead her up the staircase and she desperately wished she was strong enough to pull her wrist away.

"I don't want to talk to you," She through gritted teeth, "I want you and that whore out of my house."

"Taylor, please, I just want to talk. If you still don't want me here after, then I'll leave," Dianna pleaded. She used her acting to bring tears to her eyes. She hoped with all she had that Taylor wouldn't see through their falseness.

"Get her out of my house," She said pulling back her wrist from Dianna's grasp. A look of hope shined across Dianna's face, but as quickly as it had come, it was gone.

Quickly nodding, the actress made her way back downstairs and made her lover leave. Taylor couldn't hear their quiet voices but she hoped that Dianna had told her that she made a mistake and that they would no longer be seeing each other, but she could only hope.