It's me

Chapter 11

A/N: In this chapter, there's some type of fictive PTSD. Yes, that's a trigger warning, just in case, anyone needs it. It's important to me that you guys know.

...

"What the fuck are you doing here, huh!" I scream to him.

"Sabrina, can you please chill for a second? I'm trying to do my fucking job here." He hisses back at me.

We're just staring at each other for a few seconds before he breaks the acing silence.

"Noah found you and your friend "parked" in a ditch, missing the rear window." He states calmly.

"Oh, and one more tiiiiiiiny thing, you also had a gun in your hand. That had been fired. Also this friend of yours, well, he had been shot in the head."

"Before you ask, yes. It was your gun that was used to shoot him." He looks me in the eyes while saying it. No change of movement, no sweating, no looking around.

He's not lying. He might be a fucking dickhead, but he loves his job. He wouldn't have said that unless it was true. However, there's a little problem. I never fired that gun. Not even at the guys following us.

"Jarred, I didn't fire the gun. It wasn't me."

"Then who was it? The only other person on the scene before me was Noah." He laughs.

"I hope you don't think it was him? The guy literally cried because I killed a spider." He laughs more. Fucking disgusting laugh. I really truly dislike it. A lot. His annoying straight, perfect teeth and his dimples are awful.

I look at him, just blankly staring at him realizing what he's actually saying to me, James got shot in the head with my gun? Is he dead? Oh my god, what if he's dead. It feels like my organs start to pressure me from within me, and my body tenses and my eyes hurt like hell.

What if James is dead. What the hell am I going to do with my life if James is dead? By my gun, that was in my hands, what the fuck am I going to do. I can't take it anymore, and just break down. My emotions are overwhelming me, if I was standing right now, I would fall right back down, and the dizziness is back. And I realize, I'm crying.

"You weak bitch". The sound of my father's voice is hitting my head like a lightning after a few seconds of the emptiness of realizing that I'm crying. How is this even possible?! I never cry

"Shut it, crying only makes things worse, you unworthy slut".

"Why can't you just leave it alone?!" I scream as I cover my face with my hands and start blubbering.

"Oh look at you, you're even fucking ugly-crying now. your mom would be disappointed in you. No wonder she chose to leave this world."

I can't calm down, it feels like my emotions put chains on my will and power to take action. I'm a terrible person, I kill people, I make my to baby boys EAT them, I'm mean, I'm rude, and now my best fucking friend is dead because of me. I don't deserve to live in this world.

I feel two hands slide around me, and one of them ends up on my head, dragging me close so our bodies meet. My head placed peacefully on his chest.

"Do you hear my heartbeat, Sabrina?"

"No, I don't hear it." I sob.

"Focus, listen after it, and when you hear it, stop up and listen to it for a while."

I try to focus, I lay my head exactly where I figured the heart would be, and I listen. A few seconds pass, I close my eyes, struggling to focus on trying to hear the heartbeat. After a few more seconds I detect it.

"There."

"I found it", I stated, my eyes were still closed.

"Good, now try to completely empty your head, and relax and focus on my heartbeat for a few minutes, can you do that for me, Sabrina?"

"Yes," I whisper as I try to maintain my focus on his heartbeat. It doesn't take long before I drift away to sleep.