Mistaken Soul: Flower And You

Diary: Memories From The Youth (2)

In one year, I recovered my body slowly and living as a normal boy in elementary school. But it seems I couldn't make any friends.

The girls started hovering to my side, but I always showed my scary expression and it led them to cry or ran away.

No one wanted to be my friends.

I didn't know why but I always subconsciously showed the frown face to them, maybe my instinct tells me that some of the people who get near me, sometimes showed a double meaning intention.

In short, they have something they want for me.

Wanted to try, taking advantages of me as general son or heir of Asuzawa group and etc.

In the same time, I began to develop to not trust a female.

Except, for the one, I truly care about. Like my mother and my baby sister who was born after I moved to Osaka.

Every time someone approached me, I put my guard and wall up, to surround me for people would not intruding my personal space.

That was the reason, the reason I didn't have friends, yet I was okay with it.

But Hanzo wasn't.

As days, months, years passed by. He still had that six-year-old personality, while I grew up and became mature than him.

But, Hanzo, still had that understanding capability faster than mine and I could see he finally calm down and didn't blame himself for now.

He was becoming cheerful again, but the same spoiled child still inside of him.

He was actually a good kid and he cares about people.

He was really good at talking and soon became chatter. He once scolds me for being anti-social.

I was a little glad about his recovery but in the same, worried. 'Am I going to disappear soon?' I thought.

When I asked him if he wanted to change with me, he still said, no. He wasn't ready yet.

He will come out when he finished, shorting his feeling, he still had that fear of the memory of his grandmother. He wanted to erase it too.

But in truth, the memories will always stay there, somewhere concealed, even though he tries to cease it away.

Until now, at 28 years old. I could still remember the incident with my grandmother, but the difference was I could handle it much better than before.

...

I met Stevan and Laura when I was eight years old.

My mother was worried that I didn't have close friends, judging from my scary expression. She was afraid that I would be lonely.

So, she introduced me to Stevan and Laura. Their families were the same as me, a military family.

My first impression of Stevan was a smug kid and Laura was a typical 'princess-wannabe' girl.

I could see that Stevan like Laura and he didn't like me because I was best at everything at school.

It pricks his motivation to compete with me more.

But, I always beat him. I didn't really see a big deal with it. But he always made a fuss from it.

They played with me every day. Hanzo who was inside me became motivated to go out.

One day Hanzo suddenly took over the body.

He played with Stevan and Laura, running around the park or somewhere.

At that time it was my turn to stay inside while watching him.

Hanzo had his own rule, he only came out to surface when he wanted to play or having fun only.

In Asuzawa's summer cottage, I and Stevan went to the secret waterfall which was Asuzawa private property.

He confessed that someday if he found someone he loves he'll take it here.

At that moment I as Hanzo was inside the body. Hanzo was tired from playing so he was sleeping inside the black space.

Abruptly, I heard Stevan voice whose beside me and It left me a cold sweat.

He said, "You change again? Where's that other boy inside you?"

"!!!" (Han)

Stevan knew the changes in my body.

He was confused at first, the boy he first met was always showed his scary expression, cautious, and didn't like to stay with other people.

The same as the first time they played, he didn't show any intention to join.

But one day, this boy, starting to get hype to play with them and he smiled a lot.

Laura didn't notice but Stevan noticed. He wasn't dumb.

In the end, I could only say to him, "Just treat me the same and don't ask further."

Afterward, Hanzo used the body frequently.

He played with Stevan and Laura, jumping and laughing on the seesaw. A reminder came surface to his heart and mind.

He hoped he could be better again. Nothing to fear, nothing to hide.

Hamzo also wished for me to not exist anymore.

I heard his thought and I couldn't help to feel menaced by it.

...

When I was nine years old, Laura moved away and Hanzo was sad.

He was anticipating to play again with her. Sadly, I couldn't care less about her.

Until one day I met her again in high school with my condition became more unstable.

I was fighting with Hanzo. He wanted the body back, but I didn't let him. It will be the story for later.

[1] Dissociative identity disorder