Her Boyfriend, My Husband

CHAPTER 20

"Habibi I've never told you this but my mom... my mom, I don't know whether she loves me or not. Sometimes I'm even completely sure that she hates me. When I was about to leave, she didn't even come to bid me goodbye, the last thing she said to me was a threat; she told me not to come back to her house if I failed her once again, if I don't graduate this year." Zainab broke out crying fully and my heart was moved and consequently, my resolve weakened.

"So d-do you understand n-ow why I said that you and-and Maryam are the only ones that love me?" Zainab cimontinued inbetween sobs, "Maryam is the person I know I'll always have her sh-shoulder to cry on. I know that the w-world might turn on me but she'll never betray me that's why I entrusted y-you to her. I know that if not for her, I w-would have lost you and losing you... If I lose you Yusuf, I lose-lose my life." the determination in her tone was unshakable and now, I was worried.

I sighed, running a hand over my face and feeling at a dead end. I shook my head just to try to see if I could once again find it in me to just tell her everything up straight but I couldn't. Her face was contorted in grief and sadness and I couldn't let myself add to it. I do feel under a lot of pressure since I don't feel the same way for her, I don't but I don't know how to tell her any of that.

I knew Zainab never liked talking about her relationship with her mother and I knew that they weren't that close but I never knew that it was this bad. I never knew that that she was in this much distress because of her mother and now, I would have to be totally heartless if I could still bring myself to tell her all I've planned to tell her.

"Habibi," Zainab said after she had calmed down, "I know no matter how much I say it, it won't be enough but I just want to thank you for all this you've done for my sake. I want you to know that I'll always be grateful and I know I'm not worthy of having someone to love me as much as you do but Habibi, I'll spend every day of my life striving to be good enough for you, I promise you so please, please wait for me."

I looked towards her for a moment and saw the sincere, pleading expression on her face. All I could do to reply was smile and then I canceled all plans of telling her anything right now. It would totally devastate her and just going ahead to do it would be selfish.

The rest of the drive thankfully was spent in silence and in the next thirty minutes, we arrived at the airport. It was indeed uncomfortable but I let Zainab hug me for as long as she wanted before she finally pulled away and I watched as she strolled towards the departure unit.

She kept looking back towards me multiple times and flashing me a smile while wiping the tears that kept rolling down her cheeks. I felt sorry for Zainab, I felt that she didn't deserve for me to break such an immense trust she has placed on me but I was hopeless, my heart wasn't in my control and it had went ahead and done just that.

It loved Maryam instead of her and no matter what I do, there's no way I can reverse the situation. When I was out of the airport and before I got back into the car, I looked up at the sky and saw that now, it was tainted a light shade of blue, it had brightened in anticipation of sunrise. I opened the car door and when I entered, that same scent of Zainab was lingering in the ambiance as well as on my clothes.

I drove faster than I usually do and I found myself sighing and running my hands over my face all through my ride home. I felt guilt crushing down on me but a part of me was still selfish, telling me to go ahead and follow my heart, telling me to go ahead and try to convince Maryam to see that we can make this work. That me and her were brought together under unlikely circumstances but to me those circumstances have led to a deep love for her. A love I'm not willing to sacrifice for anything and I want her to feel for me even if it was half of what I feel for her.