maybe i wasn't there from the beginning

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jungkook had a few drinks at the party, but knowing that he was driving home he kept it reasonable and spaced out over the hours they were there. jitae had one drink, just one, which he sipped on occasionally over the time, he took taehyung's strategy the rest of the time and just had fizzy. the others, however, well many of them got smashed, yoongi, and namjoon all ended up staying the night and hoseok was the only one not drunk by the end - jitae heard him say something about becoming depressed under the influence of alcohol.

about eleven o'clock when jungkook and jitae left, or were sent home, jungkook driving them home. they sat in the car in almost silence, smiling and laughing every so often, glancing at one another.

"all i said was that we did it first, why was that so bad?" jitae laughs, jungkook shaking his head and scoffing slightly as they drive down the road.

"well, you missed what namjoon said, that was what made it funny."

"why? what did he say?" jitae asked, his eye round because he really wanted to know. jungkook glanced over a couple of times before her gave in.

"just before you said that, after seokjin said most of the actual house payment came out of his pocket, namjoon made a comment, something along the lines of seokjin liking giving hoseok big things," jungkook chuckled. it took jitae a moment, but he clicked, gasping and shaking his head.

"oh, no, that is not what i meant, no way," he says, causing jungkook to laugh harder yet. "i mean, we haven't- i mean in my memory we haven't-" jitae shrunk up then slightly. "i assume we have, right? considering we've been together two years or whatever."

"assume we what, have had sex?" jungkook clarifies, raising an eyebrow and glancing at jitae, though he keeps his focus mostly on the road for safety reasons.

"yeah, that."

"we have," jungkook admits. it's a weird thing to have confirmed, really. knowing you've had sex with some one but barely remembering them let alone the situation that got you to there. jitae swallowed and fell quiet, the mood of the car changing quickly as jungkook pulled up and parked at their place.

"hey, you okay?" jungkook asks with a worried tone, pulling jitae's attention up to him as the car shut off with the removal of the key. jitae nods softly, humming and unbuckling from his seat.

"yeah, let's just head inside, yeah?" he says, getting out of the car and waiting for jungkook. the other got out and locked up. "what else have we done that might not be..."

"public?" jungkook finished, earning a nod from jitae, "well, not a whole lot, mostly simple stuff, um made out a few times," he laughs, wanting to make the atmosphere a little lighter. jitae laughed once, more at jungkook's reaction rather than the words he spoke.

"right, of course," jitae avoids even really acknowledging that jungkook was there, looking at the ground as they enter their apartment, just happy to be home. "i'm going to wash up then head to bed i think, i'm kinda tired."

"yeah, okay, i'll be in bed waiting," jungkook spoke before heading right in to their bedroom. jitae thought about having a full shower, but he decided actually, he would do that in the morning. instead he headed into the bathroom and stood in front of the sink.

he stared at himself a while, just memorizing his face and thinking over the numbered memories he had gained. his mind kept playing jungkook, just jungkook, and whenever it did jitae looked down at the sink and smiled shyly. to think that that guy there was his everything, his desperate lover and... sexual partner...

right, yeah, that.

he needed to move past that.

with a splash of water to the face jitae dried it off quickly and heads back to the bedroom, grabbing clothes to get changed into and doing so, making sure jungkook wasn't looking first. jungkook complied without question, rolling over and looking into the mattress instead of at jitae.

"okay, done," jitae says, putting his old clothes in the hamper and smiling slightly. jungkook rolls back over, grabbing for jitae to join him.

"i hope you don't feel bad," he says. jitae sits and shakes his head, swinging his legs up to place under the covers. they lay facing each other, looking at one another momentarily. "i didn't mean to freak you out, just wanted you to know."

"it's okay, i asked and i guess it's something i already knew, so." jitae spoke as though he was completely okay with it, but he was still a little freaked out, which was understandable if you were in his situation.

"i- it was always with consent, god, yeah. i always made sure of that, everytime," jungkook said, suddenly defensive which earns a laugh from jitae, as well as a bright squinty smile that made jungkook feel better about himself. jungkook reached up then, placing a hand on jitae's cheek and as the gentle grin stayed stuck to his face.

jitae didn't really have much time to react to the action the other made next. the space between them closed up, lips touched lips and their eyes closed softly. jitae didn't get time to kiss back either, because as soon as the action started it hurriedly ended, jungkook drawing back and taking away his hand.

"i- sorry, i suppose i should have asked you first we might not be back at that stage, yet-" jungkook was cut of, jitae taking his turn to connect their mouths gently.

it's effective, really, surprisingly so if jitae had to be completely honest about it. the way that you can shut someone up with a simple action is quite extraordinary. jitae's small hand took it's time to rest on jungkook's cheek now. jungkook relaxed, thank god, and gave back the affection he was receiving. they stopped after a moment though, pulling apart and look at each other.

"let's, um, yeah... let's sleep," jungkook manages, shy and a little giddy. jitae laughs and nods, rolling over and allowing jungkook to cuddle up right behind him. "after work tomorrow, i want to take you on a date, can i?" he asks.

"of course, kook," jitae says quietly, feeling the other beam and bury his face in the back of jitae's neck. jitae's stomach was doing happy somersaults. of course, it sucked that their kisses hadn't triggered a memory to surface, but it was still a memory he now held. he now knew what it was like to kiss jungkook, and he rather liked it. jitae couldn't stop smiling as they lay there, their eyes closing as they both drifted away, losing themselves to the land of sleep and dreams.

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