pluto || jikook

prosperity's fallen

jitae hadn't spoken once in the hours that they had been home. the silence that had been forced over them was awkward and heavy, the stench of fear and regret from both parties; jitae's strengthened fear of water and regret of agreeing to jungkook's stupid idea mixed with jungkook's regret of making jitae go through with that had his fear that he had ripped down the feeble foundations he had only just began to build up.

jitae was sitting on the couch in comfortable clothing, curled up tight with his phone on his knees and headphones in. he was watching a music video, the one of the boy-group that jungkook had said that they work with, txt. it was their debut music video, the song was called crown and jitae was inwardly surprised to see his name underneath.

wardrobe stylists: kong dahae, park jitae, jin sungeun.

jungkook's name was down too under editors, and there were a couple of other names he recognized, like 'jung hoseok' under choreography and 'suga' under producers. those were the friends that he needed to be reintroduced to, so he supposed he should remember their names and what they did.

jungkook was cooking them dinner, nothing fancy just crumbed chicken and an out-of-the-bag salad with a store-bought dressing. he wasn't enjoying cooking as much as he usually did, his mind was elsewhere with worries at the moment so it shouldn't surprise if the meal wasn't as well cooked as usual, but with the thoughts he had, he could be excused.

he had worked hard since jitae's disappearance in busan, trying to get the connection they had before back, the love. jungkook's feelings for jitae hadn't changed, he loved him with his everything and would do anything for him, do anything to help him. he wanted jitae to get better but he was flying blindly in the dark and had no idea what he was doing, who was he supposed to turn to for this?

jungkook dished up and brought the plates over to the couch. jitae noticed quickly and pulled out his headphones, pausing the video he was watching for the seventh or eighth time and putting his phone beside him on the couch. jungkook handed jitae a plate and sat at the opposite end of the couch, giving as much distance as possible.

they ate under the same awkward silence that they had been in all afternoon, the only sounds in the room being chewing and clinking of forks and knives on ceramic plates. every so often they would look at one another, catching the other's eye and looking away quickly as though to avoid the reality that they were in the same room together.

only when they had finished eating did anyone speak. they held their blank plates for about a minute before jitae opened his mouth to speak. the words that he spoke hurt both of them.

"i remembered being in the water," jitae admitted with a small and shaky voice.

"jitae-"

"i remember being there and wanting to get out. i didn't want to be there... or die..." jitae's voice was pained, full of the fear of that moment of being stuck in the water that was swept away his normal life.

"jitae, i'm sorry, i shouldn't have made you do that, i just wanted to help but i fucked everything up," jungkook instantly says, not even pausing to register, but after he spoke he thought about what jitae said.

"no, jungkook, i would have remembered it anyway," jitae says. they paused, for one moment, two moments. "i think you were why i didn't want to be there," jitae finally said. jungkook swallowed hard and looked down.

"do you remember that?" he asks, connecting with jitae's eyes just as he is answered with a shrug.

"i remember not wanting to be there, wanting to live, regretting being there, like there was something else for me but instead i was there dying," jitae explains, pausing consistently throughout his thought.

silence settled again. this silence was quieter, sadder. the heaviness of the air was enough to suffocate someone. they sat at their opposite ends of the couch for what felt like minutes. jitae stood suddenly, taking his and jungkook's plates and putting them both in the sink and turning on the tap. the water ran over the dishes as it warmed slowly, rushing away down the drain until it was almost hot and the hole was plugged closed. when the sink was full the tap was turned off, jitae looking at it a moment before letting out a heavy sigh and turning his back to the mess.

he wandered back to the living room, pulling jungkook's attention as he came around and sat on the couch, getting as close to the other as possible. he leaned on him, jungkook putting his arm around jitae and just holding him. this was all jungkook knew he could do, hold him, support him. jitae's eyes closed, he felt safe. surely the fear of losing jungkook was the force behind his determination not to die, what else would it have been?

"jitae, i'm glad you're safe, and i would give anything to make sure you are always safe, okay?" jungkook says softly and quietly, laying the most gentle kiss possible on his head. there was more silence. "i was only-"

"can we drop it?" jitae asks in a low voice. he wanted to move on from his memory, he wanted to be normal again...

"sorry," jungkook breathed.

"could you... could you tell me about the group we work with?" jitae asks, looking up at jungkook. the other nodding.

"yeah, of course," he adjusts, jitae bringing up a group photo of the five boys that made up the band. 

"who's this?" jitae asks, pointing to the boy with a soft face and pointed jaw.

"that's kang taehyun, second youngest of the group, he and heuning kai-" jungkook pointed to another of the boys, "- are really good mates and boy do they get tricky." jungkook laughed at the end of that. he then went through the other member, beomgyu, soobin, yeonjun. by the end of their little lesson jitae had their names and faces memorized, just hoping he wouldn't mess them up.

"they're preparing for their first comeback at the moment, they debuted just under a year ago and their comeback is in about a month."

"so we've worked with them since the beginning?"

"yeah," jungkook spoke with an air of pride. "and hopefully we'll be there a while."

"i can't wait to meet them, or... re meet them." jitae laughed after speaking, cuddling into jungkook and just wanting to stay close for now, stay safe in his arms.

"i'm sure they can't wait to see you too, jitae."

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