This book is a daily chronicle of wandering elf events... better known as, elfvents amongst the learned knowers who persist in the knowing of such things.
All Elf’s masterminding screeched to a halt He retired to his bed with a quart of single malt His plan to unite the witchy sisters Had left him with nothing but headache blisters
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Then came a pounding on his bedroom door And a POE-etic phrase he’d heard before ‘Shut up!’ he yelled. ‘I have the floor.’ Then fell from his bed, stoned once more
The pounding continued, a loud caterwauling ‘Til he threw the door wide and heard, ‘Avon calling!’ Elf raged and raged against the dying light Sent Avon, not gently, into that good night ‘You’ve got a nerve disturbing people that way!’ Poor Elf burned and raved at close of day
No rest for the pickled, or so it seemed Barbie arrived and her smile just beamed ‘Fear not, it’s your witch exterminating crew And we’ll give them both a fine, howdy do.’ Barbie sat both sisters on old milking stools And explained Marques of Queensberry Rules
Both sisters were just itching to start Barbie had a job keeping them apart They wanted to box out their hissy fits And the match began when they donned oven mitts The plan was brilliant, each witch dropped her book The gang scooped them up in a flash, that’s all it took
As the sisters knocked one another down for the count ‘Go!’ shouted Barbie. ‘Get to the mount!’ Elf finished his malt chased by a Mead blend shot Then secured the two sisters with a sheep shank knot ‘You were simply mavalous, Barbie,’ Elf told her As she hoisted his limp frame over her shoulder
As she raced up the hill, in her ear Elf did roar ‘Knock on my door would ya! Well nevermore!’ Barbie cringed over the butchered couplet Then saw Big T on the mount with an open tablet He gave a loud Aaaaaaaarh!’ and slammed it shut Then paced back and forth in a rhythmic strut
part 2
‘Hear me! Hear me! We got Grit in a jar. We got a Sykes buffet and a flyin’ car. We got Jane, Anna Gram and Lady R We da Elf battalion dat who we are! We da mostest and da bestest you ever heard. Gather round brothers and I’ll give ya da word.’ While Big T rapped the gang found him a pain Then to top things off it started to rain The B band assembled, shared nervous looks The rain fell harder - they were in HIS bad books
Their music changed nothing, not so surprising The rain pounded down and the water was rising
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