Dirty desires

Part 26

After dropping the question, he almost seemed glad I asked, as if no one had ever seemed to care.
His eyes sort of, twinkled, with sorry though, not happiness.
"Well since you asked, I shall tell you" he began bowing his head.

"Back in high school, I was in the losers club, you know, typical nerd, weak, butt of every joke... but I still had emotions, unlike everyone else though. Anyway... I wasn't that abnormal, I did average at school, played sport, had hobbies... and... even had a crush on a special girl" his voice seems to whimper off, the more personal the story became, the way someone does when they are vulnerable. Although I wasn't buying the pity party.

"Now this girl, she was different, the kind of different that sticks out to you, and only you, to everyone else she's just a girl, but to you she's everything. Of course I had no chance with her, at least that's what I told myself. The first time we ever met was at a track team meeting, it was a new group and I had no idea she liked track, needless to say I was over the moon, a common hobby, it was like we were meant to be" he chuckled slightly, almost sarcastically.

"I couldn't take my eyes off her, she always had this smile about her, a smile that could stop the whole world spinning, at least mine did, and her eyes, always looking and wondering, she wasn't boring like everyone else. Things sure got better from there. The following year we ended up in the same class, athletes club, I saw her almost every day" he said smirking. "I was always watching her, studying and thinking, and yes we interacted, we spoke, I wasn't a complete stalker" he paused suddenly,mad if he was holding himself back. "But, there's always a catch, you know if there's one thing in life I've learnt, that is you can't trust anyone, not even your closest friend" his face dropped, to a sinister frown. "My closest buddy, I should have known better, he knew I liked her, and he knew he had a better shot than I did. The bastard took the opportunity and ruined everything!" He slammed his fist against the metal framing, cremating a loud thump, making me jump out of the silence. "He took her from me, yeah, they started talking, then taking after 1 week, telling me everything, he knew exactly what he was doing, and he destroyed my life" he said bitterly and coldly.
"That happens to everyone" I said, trying to be sympathetic but failing, he only glared at me, biting his rage.

"Does it? Does it!" He yelled furiously.
Silence filled the air, like a thick must.
"So what did you do then?" I asked gently, wanting him to continue his story. His eyes lowered, as if defeated. "I did nothing... I gave up" he said, empty. "She's gone, my dream is gone, I genuinely haven't felt the same ever" he added, even more sorrowfully. His sincere grief rung a familiar memory of mine, the memory of losing someone, not to death, but something else, more painful. Like a slow burn, they fade from your life, changing over time, blending into forgotten memories and eventually becoming nothing but a hollow and empty sadness within. I couldn't think of anything to say to him, except "I understand".

"Even though I think you're a pig bastard, who deserves to burn in Hell for what you've done here... I understand" I said heavily. "That's all I have to say" I said meeting his tired eyes. He'd been watching me all this time, glaring like an eagle. "But you don't" he said harshly, "how could you know.., what you did to me?" He said with a hiss. What he said, caught my attention. I stared long and hard at him, 'why would he talk like that?' "You are nothing to me now but a regret, a bad decision and painful memory" he slammed his palm against the bar once again and stood up. "It just hurts more knowing a was nothing to you, not even a memory, but an empty hole" he choked before exiting the room.

The sudden protests and pulled me into reality, slapping me in the face. Was he really trying to say I was that girl, the girl of his childhood dreams? Was a really just some cold hearted bitch who'd broken some psychopaths heart in high school. I felt disgusted, sick and sad at the same time. So really this is all my fault, it all came back to this, a series of events and people drawn by one sad high school romance. All this hurt and suffering, this crime and wrong doing, all somehow tied to an innocent and unfortunate outcome.

I don't believe Will was lying, even if he was, he's right, about 2 things. I'm so careless with others emotions, so reckless and forgetful, as if their feelings meant nothing to me but a useless object. Although I agree, I know he was right about one more thing... that no matter what, you can't trust anyone".