Lost | Tom Riddle ✔

Chapter 83

She knew not what position she held in his life. She knew she couldn't force someone to love her. To feel what she felt. To reciprocate the depth of her feelings. Yeah! Love potions could grant her complete access to his body, but what she craved was his soul. Her hopeless romantic self wanted beyond the physical attraction. She had seen what true love was. She still remembered how her parents looked at one another. The twinkle in their eyes when they looked at one another, the way their eyes would automatically seek each other when they thought she wasn't around, the way they would communicate so much without actually using a single word, she remembered it all. A sad smile graced her lips. She wanted that for herself. She wanted to experience how would it feel to have a person whom she could call her own. Was it too much to ask?

Her internal conversation broke when she saw Logan at the door of the Great Hall. He was smiling at something Avanti Rathi said to him. Correction. They both were smiling while they spoke. The smile didn't exactly look happy, but it was safe to say that they both looked serene. Alexa narrowed her eyes. What did she miss, she couldn't point out. Like herself, her only friend and his current companion had been gloomy too in recent times. She could understand the cloudy mood of Avanti since Yoshi hadn't awakened yet. What she couldn't comprehend was the moodiness of the McLaggen boy. For the past week, he had been a reflection of what she felt. Only sadder and illogical. 

Alexa continued turning her eyes smaller and smaller as she saw her god-brother took a seat beside her. 

"Hey!" He acknowledged.

Placing his bag near the desk, he sighed to himself. Taking a slice of bread he started buttering it with a knife. In full concentration. When the girl didn't reply, he turned in her direction. When she didn't stop scrutinizing him, he waved the buttered bread in front of her face.  Perhaps a bit too close. In the process, the uneven surface of the butter coating accidentally touched Alexa's nose that suddenly made her look like a clown with a yellowish-white nose. 

Alexa touched her nose. Her fingertips were now coated with the butter. Her eyes widened in disbelief. 

"Damn!" Logan looked back at his bread in disgust. "Can't eat now. I have to make another one."

Alexa slapped his shoulder harshly. 

"Hey!" Logan yelled.

She slapped him again on his shoulder. This time harsher. 

"Stop the assault snow." He pouted and rubbed his shoulder.

"First one for messing my nose. The second one for being so outrageous this week." Alexa spoke. Her nose twitched a little as she tried her hardest to ignore the sudden laughter. She was pretending to be angry for Helga's sake.

Logan looked down. It seemed like he was avoiding her eyes. Alexa's eyes squinted again, but she couldn't help herself from feeling that the boy looked slightly guilty. Good, she contemplated. He had been gloomy and distant for no reason after all, but what if there was a reason that she didn't know. The last thought worried her.

After a few moments of silence, Logan sighed again. 

"I am sorry snow. I was very occupied this past week," he whispered.

Alexa leaned in slightly. She couldn't help from remembering the day he had opened up to her about his family. His sister. The accident in the past. His tone suddenly reminded her of the unfortunate conversation. A weight dropped in her stomach as she imagined the worst. 

"Hey! Is everything alright?" She asked softly.

Logan looked up at her. His eyes were a bit moist at the corners. "You are so good to me Alexa. Why are you so good to me?"

His voice was heavy with emotions. It seemed that he was about to cry. And Alexa didn't like it when he cried. She didn't like it when anyone cried.

"Who said that? I just slapped you twice." She gave him a gentle smile. "What is it, Logan?"

"I just miss Maria. And how I wronged her." Logan whispered again. His sister was a very sensitive topic for him. "This past week I was drowning in contemplating the consequences of mistakes that I have made."

"It's alright Logan. Everything will be." She assured him and hoped that it worked.

"I truly don't deserve you." Logan closed his eyes. "Neither you nor my sister." 

For a few moments, Alexa let him be. She couldn't imagine what Logan was going through. She truly felt bad for him. And the worse thing is she had no idea how to help him, other than a few sugar-coated words. 

When he didn't move for more than five minutes and his breathing smoothed, she almost thought that he fell asleep. So, she slapped him on the shoulder again.

"You hit harsher than boys. Seriously, what do you even eat?" He demanded.

Alexa rolled her eyes. She was a part wolf, so maybe her slaps were indeed harsher than the boys, not like Logan needed to know that. Instead, she blurted. "What is your deal with Rathi?" 

"What about her?" He looked genuinely confused.

"You ignored me and your other friends for a week and then came to the Great Hall smiling with her. " Alexa scoffed. "Why?"

"I-It's nothing like t-that," he stuttered, turning red. He looked embarrassed at the insinuation. 

Alexa snorted. "Sure!"

"Seriously," he replied. He composed himself. Sitting straighter, his eyes looked into hers directly. It was a way of him letting her know that he was not bluffing. "I consider her friend. Just like you. It's just...  she... she understands me."

Alexa didn't like the sentence. Logan was supposed to be her best friend. 

"Explain," she demanded.

Logan sighed. "She lost her brother two years back."

"Oh!" Alexa straightened up. Her eyes softened in pity.

"Yeah! You know, how muggles are busy killing each other in what they call the second world war. Her brother was a soldier. Two years back he got killed in the war while fighting for the British army." Logan continued. "I just feel like she can understand me since both of us miss our elder siblings. She told me he was discovered by a recruiting company of British army while he was busy fetching the muggle candies that she loved. So, she feels that it was her mistake that her brother is no more."

It was true. Muggle armies needed the soldiers. They were hiring anyone who was an adult and had working limbs. The magical community was not that excited to be a part of the war when they themselves were fighting against Grindelwald.  This was the reason why some wizards and witches became more persistent in living underground while others joined the forces with Grindelwald. Either way, no one was keen to let their kids join the destructive war for power. It was sad. Truly. 

Alexa understood why the other girl blamed herself. 

She understood why Logan blamed himself. 

She understood why he and Avanti could understand one another. 

After all, she just like them, was a reason why Adrian - her cousin - had no mother. 

She was guilty. Just like them. And she understood there was no running away.

Not for either of them. 

There is no running away from responsibilities.

One must pay for the consequences of their actions.

She just hoped that they all had enough strength to endure them.

~*~*~ 

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