In the shadows. (H.S) [A.U]

Chapter 15

There is a difference between looking out for someone and trapping them inside a bubble so that they are safe from the world. And I hated that they chose to trap me.

Niall was the only one who would be comfortable with taking me to different places. It was like he was okay with everything. He was the one to treat me like a normal person. But I have a feeling that if he knew the details about my past, he would act the same as Louis and Liam.

Louis was the fun one but only as long as it was us five. If anyone else would join, he would go into his defensive mode. He was the loud and goofy one. But I don't know whenever I was with them, it felt like I was making their life as miserable as mine. Louis used to be a bit quiet around me. He wouldn't even let any guy come near me in high school. It felt like no one was allowed to talk to me. It gave me that "unreachable weirdo" reputation. But I wasn't made fun of. Obviously because of Louis. No one dared to.

Liam on the other hand, has always been the total opposite to Louis. He is my first cousin. He has always played the role which Ethan should have played. There is a four year age gap between us. So he was nineteen when I was fifteen, yet he was a very responsible person. 

He was the first one to find out about my hallucinations. Luckily, he was someone who my parents used to trust blindly. He told them about my condition and when they tried to shrug it off once more like they always used to, he got furious. Which made my parents realize everything that was going on with me and what they were blinded from. 

It was the first and the last time I saw Liam furious. 

Liam became my cuddle buddy and has always been my source of comfort since the day he found me sitting on my bedroom floor leaning on the wall with my knees up to my chest, my hands covering my ears and my eyes shut tightly while I couldn't stop crying and screaming. To this day he describes it as one of the most horrifying moments of his life. 

I'm like his little sister and he has always played the role of being my elder brother, so to see that sight in front of his eyes, it was gut wrenching for him. Since that day, he has been my constant support. He was the one to tell the others as well since I was too embarrassed to do so. But they all took it well and supported me through it all.

But yet again, Louis and Liam both have one thing in common, which is to be slightly overprotective of me. I mean I'm not complaining but it gets tiring sometimes. 

I got rid of my hallucinations at the age of eighteen. After five years of that living hell, I just wanted to be treated like a normal person. Which didn't seem to be possible while living in Seattle and meeting these two almost everyday, and if I didn't meet them, I would have to be on call with them two to three times a day, assuring them that I'm feeling okay. Christina had moved here as soon as I was going back to being normal and Niall a few months later. So that left me in Seattle with Louis, Liam, Ethan and my parents.

After a year of being treated as a fragile little butterfly, I got tired of it. I wanted to be on my own, live my life and not to depend on anyone. Was it too much to ask?

So, when I got the first chance to move here, I made a run for it. I wanted to get away from all of that. Moving here felt like being released from a prison. But the thing is, my life felt like an actual prison. And it felt good to get rid of it.

But that was until I saw Alex again in a nightmare and then hallucinated about a new person apparently, Harry. But that's a whole another topic I don't want to think about.

As much as I don't want to go back, I do miss Louis and Liam a lot. Sometimes I miss their phone calls to check on me every night, to see if I was feeling lonely. If I ever was, Louis would always show up at the doorstep with cartons of ice cream and he would stay until I fell asleep. I miss how Liam would always figure out if I was crying or not. I swear, it felt like that guy has a sixth sense.