Come Home Adopted by 5SOS

34

MIKEYS POV

"Ash, I'm gonna go for a walk and I've got to make a call. Can you stay here with ivy?" I lied as he nodded.

"Sure. Just be careful. I'll text when Luke and Cal are leaving." He said as I flung on my jacket and my backpack and walked out of the room heading down the barren halls.

I walked outside and instantly felt a small chill go up my spine. I walked around to the back of the hospital to find a small park. Empty. No one was around.

Today has been so stressful.

I sat against the cold hard concrete wall at the back of the hospital. My breath was visible in the cold night air. I pulled my knees close to my chest and ran a hand through my hair.

I fumbled with my pocket trying to pull my phone out but I found a small packet of cigarettes. Perfect.

TW TW ( smoking/self harm)

I pulled out a small lighter that I had and placed it on the ground. I opened the pack of cigs and pulled one out. I held it in between my fingers and lit it.

I took it closer to my mouth and saw small bits of smoke come from the end. I placed it between my lips and sucked it in. My lungs instantly filled with smoke as I closed my eyes. I gently coughed as I puffed it out, instantly feeling better. I knew it wasn't good but it made me feel better.

My hands shook as I took another breath of it in. Its so wrong that it's so fucking right. I never though I'd smoke ever but here i am, smoking a cigarette.

As the cig got shorter, I felt an urge to stub it. Not on the ground but my arm. I don't know why but it feels right. Like I deserve it.

I kept putting it between my lips taking small puffs of it as the sky grew dark. The moon showing more as I sighed.

"It's now or never." I said to myself as I rolled up my sleeve and held my cigarette close to my arm.

I took a deep breath in and pushed it against my arm. A small yelp of pain escaped my lips as it burned layers of my skin. Tears formed in the corners of my eyes as I screwed my face up in pain.

I felt like all the stress melted away. All with one cig. I rolled my sleeve down and sighed as I pushed my knees to my chest taking another cigarette and lit it.

I put it between my chapped lips and felt a breeze against my exposed skin through the holes in my jeans. I kept breathing in the cig as it got shorter and shorter.

By this point, my lungs felt weak. My legs shook as the wind grew stronger. I could feel my heart pounding as I pulled my sleeve back up.

I took another deep breath and pushed the small cig onto my arm wincing as it burned my arm. This time, I held it there not moving it for a good amount of time.

I picked up the lighter and pack of cigarettes and put them back into my pocket and pulled out my phone. I looked at my arm, smiling as I felt it sting.

9:38 PM

I've been out here for 15 minutes. My fingers were numb, my arm stung, my legs shook and my breath grew visible as the air got colder.

I stood up and put small stones over the stubbed cigs and started walking to the small shop just a few minutes away.

I felt the cold air consume me as I walked over to the shop and went inside.

I grabbed a bottle of alcohol and a bigger packet of cigarettes. I looked around the empty shop and saw a packet of lighters. I grabbed them and looked around just seeing if there was anything else to help the stress.