evocation | ✓

32+

jeongguk fiddles with the cigarette in between his fingertips, watching as gray ash falls from the lighted side. it was his third cigarette that day, and he was not proud to admit that it was only twelve o'clock. it seems the longer he's away from taehyung, the more he needs to smoke. it's a pitiful fact, one that has him scoffing but lifting the cigarette to his dry lips anyway, taking another well needed drag.

his mother and junghan were out shopping for who knows what, but he remembers his mother mentioning something of milk. he shamelessly asked his mother to pick him up another pack of cigarettes while she was out, and with a large curse and smack to the head with a magazine, she agreed to buy them for him. even she knew that the only thing holding him together at this point was the temporary high he got from nicotine.

jeongguk hears the slam of a car door, and he figures it's his mother and junghan back from shopping he doesn't even attempt to hide the fact that he was sitting on their front porch smoking, knowing that junghan found out about his deathly habit long ago. the eager footsteps that stopped in front of him caused him to look up curiously, only for him to blink surprisedly at the man in front of him.

it was taehyung. taehyung, who was wearing the cutest clothes—is that his hoodie-it doesn't matter—and his hair is all soft and fluffy looking. he looked quite better than jeongguk did, but he could see through the concealer immediately—he knows what concealed eye bags look like. he has them himself.

but he still looks ethereal. jeongguk doubts that there'll ever be a moment where taehyung is anything but beautiful, and the way his golden skin shines in the mid-day light only helps prove this fact.

jeongguk takes quick breathes from the cigarette, taking in as much smoke as he can before dropping the end to the floor and smashing the fire out with the bottom of his shoe. he stands up and blows the smoke up, away from taehyung. he remembers how much he hates the smell of it—the taste of it. but he doesn't worry about that today, doubts that there'll be any tasting today.

"hello," jeongguk greets, not entirely sure that he's really there. he's embarrassed to admit that he's seen taehyung when he's not really there. in dreams, or when he scans over the crowd too quickly in the supermarket, and mistakes someone for the boy. being away from him hasn't had the best toll on his mental health, but that isn't on taehyung. it's his own fault.

"hi, gguk. i was hoping we could talk?" taehyung asks, smiling softly at jeongguk, and he finds himself nodding dumbly, walking up towards the door, knowing the younger boy was on his heels.

jeongguk unlocks the door and leads taehyung to the bedroom rather than the family room, knowing that his mom and brother could be home any moment and wanting to avoid the reaction they would have to seeing taehyung. taehyung seemed to have no objections to the selected area, and sits across the bed from jeongguk on the wooden chair.

jeongguk waits for taehyung to tell him what to say.

"well, go ahead." taehyung gestures with a little wave of his hand, crossing his legs and leaning back into the chair, making himself comfortable. "tell me why you did it. and maybe i'll think of forgiving you." taehyung says, and jeongguk sighs, knowing this was coming. he's embarrassed. worried. but he knows he won't get taehyung back either way, so he sucks it up.

"my dad was always my best friend," jeongguk starts, looking up to the ceiling. taehyung furrows his eyebrows, confused as to how this had anything to do with what he asked of him, but allows him to continue. "i always wanted to be like him. he was my best friend, and my favorite person. my dad and i did everything together." and then jeongguk looks taehyung in the eye, saying these next words carefully. "i'd do anything for him."

taehyung sits straighter at this, sensing they were getting towards his part of the story.

"we we arrived to the hospital, i wouldn't leave your side, did you know that? had the biggest fucking cut on my face—it's why i have a scar on my face—and my knee was practically shattered," jeongguk says, and taehyung winces. "they had to drag me away to get me into surgery. i didn't want to leave you." jeongguk tells him, taehyung smiles just a bit, looking down at his shoelace.

"when i woke up, i expected to see my dad there waiting for me. but....but he wasn't." jeongguk sighs, this part of the story visibly difficult for him. "your dad was there, taehyung. he...he threatened me." jeongguk says, and taehyung scoffs.

"knew it," taehyung mumbles. "that bitch."

jeongguk chuckles lightly, nodding. "said that if i didn't stay away, he'd tell the media that my dad was touching kids. my dad, he was a teacher." jeongguk explains, and taehyung gasps, covering his mouth with his hand because wow. that would ruin his whole career. possibly his family's careers, not to mention the emotional and mental trauma it'd cause his wife. "i had to. i had to stay away. taehyung," jeongguk grabs his hand, lacing their fingers together. "i loved you-i love you, but he was my father."

"i understand, ggukie," taehyung says, placing his free hand on jeongguk's jaw, cradling him. jeongguk leans into the touch, missing the warmth that spreads through him when he's touched. touched by his boy. "if i were you i would've made the same choice. he's your dad."

"no," jeongguk shakes his head, "i will never forgive myself for choosing him over you. never." jeongguk says, looking taehyung in the eyes, and taehyung could see the fire that burned in his irises. "he is not my father."

"gguk what-"

"a few weeks later, my father was caught touching kids in his classroom. the fucking psycho." jeongguk growls, and taehyung gasps once again. "your father didn't lie, taehyung. he was just being a dick. but my dad-my dad is a criminal. i chose a criminal over you. and i'll never forgive myself for it." jeongguk cries, and taehyung is there to wipe the tears for him.

"it's okay, sweets," taehyung hushes him, wiping underneath his eyes, tsking when he takes concealer with jeongguk's tears. "i forgive you. i do." taehyung nods, and jeongguk shakes his head.

"you shouldnt," jeongguk says, tears pouring from his eyes like rain and clouds, gloomy look in his once bright eyes. a brightness only taehyung brings to him. "i fucked up so bad. m'so sorry,"

"it's okay, sweets. i told you," taehyung hums, and he recognizes that this is probably the first time that jeongguk allowed himself to cry. not little tears here and there but full on sob, and taehyung was going to be here to pick him up. he was going to be to jeongguk was jimin was to him. "do you wanna go lay down? take a nap?" taehyung asks, laying jeongguk down on the bed.

"stay. you'll stay, right? don' want you to leave me ever again." jeongguk tells him through the tears, and taehyung sighs. he kicks off his shoes and joins jeongguk on the bed.

taehyung's fingers find jeongguk's hair, running through the soft strands and taehyung reminds himself to tell jeongguk to shower, to take care of himself. "i'm right here, sweets. i wont go anywhere."

"promise?"

"promise."

+
taehyung calls goo sweets and i 🥺

but i missed you guyssss

i have school tomorrow yuCK but i'll try to be as active as possible.

still a couple more chapters but it's gonna end soon and i'm like ☹️ but i'll hope you'll join me in another book when i finally come up with an idea for one.

i mean i kinda have but we'll see.

have a nice day, muah 💋