evocation | ✓

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      jeongguk dipped his paintbrush into the water, cleansing the brush of all paint. he was painting to keep himself busy, to keep himself from thinking. he's been doing that since he left daegu, doing things to keep him from thinking. he would take junghan to the park every single day, and then take him out to ice cream. he'd help sora with breakfast, lunch, dinner and everything in between that she needed done. he'd exercise, lifting weights way too heavy for someone just starting out in the gym, and worst of all, he'd smoke.

smoking has always been a bad habit for jeongguk. but, when he got together with taehyung he quit when the boy one day expressed his distaste to the taste of smoke. he was timid and sure not to hurt jeongguk's feelings, claiming that he loves to taste him, and the cigarette gets in the way of that. he hasn't smoke since that day. well, until recently.

the painting, jeongguk decides is the best one he's done yet. it's raw, full of emotions that it's supposed to portray; love, comfort and fear. the painting itself was inspired by taehyung-but when is anything he does not because of taehyung? his rough sketch was of a boy crying, only half of his face viewed in the square canvas. there was a hand on his cheek, wiping his tears. the boy itself, jeongguk realizes, greatly resembles taehyung. he curses, he can't even escape him in art.

"jeongguk," sora knocks at the door before pushing it open, sticking in her head that was clad with a green face mask and rollers in her hair. she looked like the picture perfect mother, and jeongguk wonders why can't be like that. why is he such a fuck up? "how are you feeling?"

"better than yesterday." he answers as he watches her wrap the thin, silk robe tighter around her body and sit on the boy's bed. she crosses her arms over her breasts, and pouts st her son's answer.

"you always say that," she frowns, looking at him up and down with glare that's not menacing, but worrying and motherly.

"it's how i feel," jeongguk shrugs, dipping the brush in a different shade of brown than he used before. jeongguk was trying to get taehyung—the boy—'s eyes just right as they were the main part of the painting. the shining tears, the swirl of emotion is a hard thing to capture on paper, but he's trying. "i miss him, mom. a lot. and i hurt him, though i don't want to tell him why."

"this all could've been avoided if you told him." sora points out, and jeongguk sighs, placing the paint brush on the easel. he pouts, looking down to pick at loose string on his shirt.

"i know," he mumbles, then sighs, looking up and staring at him mom in the eyes. "but it's embarrassing."

"he didn't care before, he won't care now." she tells him, and deep down jeongguk knows that she's right. but he was still afraid that taehyung wouldn't want to be with him anymore, that he'd judge him like everybody else did at first.

"i guess," jeongguk kicks the carpet.

he didn't want to tell him. he'd rather taehyung be mad at him for lying than him find out that his dad was a child molester. no one could come back from that.

"i hate him," jeongguk hardens, clenching his hands into fists at his side.

"who? your dad?" sora questions, cocking her head to the side. her mask was starting to itch, but she couldn't wash it away now. this was the first real conversation they had since he got back the early morning from daegu.

"well, yeah," jeongguk nods. "but taehyungs dad. this is all his fault, if he hadn't threatened to tell the media about dad, then i wouldn't have stayed away from taehyung."

at the time of the incident, nothing had been revealed of jeongguk's dad's affairs. he was just a school teacher in jeongguk's younger eyes, and when taehyungs dad came to visit him that day at the hospital, he was devastated. jeongguk thought that taehyungs dad made up the entire thing, and as much as he hates himself for it, he chose his family over taehyung. when his dad was finally caught red handed touching the student, jeongguk realized it was all true.

he lost taehyung to protect a criminal.

he'll never forgive himself for anything he'd done. no matter what he tries to do, who's he protecting, he always messes up. he can't do anything right.

"jeongguk," sora gasps, standing from the bed to take her sons face in her hands. "you're crying." she whispers, wiping his tears with her thumb. he sniffles, build up already starting in his nose as it turns red and his lids become puffy.

"i love him," jeongguk sobs, wrapping his arms around sora's thin waist, pulling her in. he cries into the material of her robe, and sora rakes her fingers through her son's hair, attempting to soothe the crying boy. "i love him so much a-and he ha-hates me!" jeongguk is yelling over his tears, and sora wants to cry too, she hates seeing him in pain.

junghan, who was curiously standing outside of the door listening to the talk about daddy walks in, a worried and frantic look on his face. "bubba!" he yells, running forward and grasping jeongguk's legs with his small, chubby arms. jeongguk peers down at him. "what's wrong?!"

jeongguk lifts junghan into his lap with a grunt, situating him so the two were face to face. he attempts to smile through his tears, "i'm sad, jungie." jeongguk explains.

"why?" junghan asks, eyebrows furrowed as he can think of all the ways to take away jeongguk's pain. does he want ice cream? a kiss on the cheek? does he want to color?

"because i miss taehyung," jeongguk settles is a good explanation. junghan makes an "oh" sound and nods his head.

"you miss sleeping with tae tae?" junghan asks, and jeongguk chuckles.

"yes, i miss sleeping with tae tae." jeongguk nods, barely noticing that his mother slipped out of the room, too engrossed with his caring brother in front of him.

"i know what to do!" junghan gasps dramatically. jeongguk raises a brow, as if asking "what?" junghan smiles, "ill sleep with you, gukkie!" and then he jumps on the large bed in front of them, snuggling up to a pillow.

jeongguk laughs, "thanks jungie." jeongguk stans from the chair and crawls into bed with his brother, who takes the opportunity to plant a big, wet one on his cheek. jeongguk scrunched up his face, but internally enjoys the caring gesture.

"love you goo," junghan says, using a nickname he used to use when he was too young to pronounce his name correctly. "i hope you're not sad anymore."

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THIS HIT IN THE FEELS

ANYWAY

we anxieting bc i'm going to six flags tmr and i'm sure i'm gonna die. send helps.

AlSo, what do you think about jeongguk's reason for lying to tae? did you expect this? what did you think it was?

and most importantly, who's in love with junghan? (not in that way he's a MINOR.)