To Infinity

Chapter 25. You Always Sleep Like This?

Lydia's POV

"What do you mean?" I ask shaking my head in confusion knitting my eyebrows together.

"We can't do this Lydia, this it's not right. It isn't fair to you love, you should be dating someone born like I don't know somewhere in the last twenty years..." He trails off pursing his lips. "I shouldn't have let it get so far, I was an idiot to think..." He grits his teeth shaking his head. I quickly get off my bed walking towards him by the time I reach him he's standing not looking at me.

He grimaces as I grab onto his shirt. "Where the hell is this coming from huh?" I ask in disbelief. "It doesn't even sound like you... you're not making any fucking sense!" I yell.

He growls grabbing both my arms tearing them from his shirt and pulling me against his hard chest lowering his eyes to mine. "We come from two totally different worlds! It will never work! How do you not see that?! We could never have a normal relationship Lydia I'm not a fucking human wrap your head around that! I will always be this and you..." He trails off looking away then back to me with this cold dead stare. "You're going to get older..." He trails off swallowing hard.

"Silas-" I try to cut him off as tears build up but he doesn't let me interrupt.

"You're going to have babies... beautiful ones. Then you're going to die." He says in a strained voice. "As it should be. It's better to just... stop this now before it gets to far love I'm sorry." He shakes his head with this defeated look in his eyes. He quickly moves away from me heading for the door.

"Stop!" I shout. "Don't I get to say anything?!" 

He stops. "Don't fight with me about it you know damn well I am right." He says without looking at me.

"Is this all because of Kevin? I don't feel that way for him!" 

He sighs shaking his head then turning to look at me. "No it's not, it is about us. We are never going to work we couldn't possibly be anything... I don't exactly know what you expect to happen with us but its not going to be like a normal relationship. You deserve something better then that to fall in love with someo-" I stomp towards him cutting him off.

"I already did and he's about to rip my heart out of my chest and stomp on it!" I shout getting eye level with him standing on my toes.

"Don't be ridiculous." He says moving a step back but I take a step forward.

"You're being ridiculous." I whisper I throw my arms around his neck and smash my lips against his. He groans but doesn't kiss me back right away.  Even though Silas told me a couple of weeks ago he loved me I'd never said it back.

He pulls back. "Stop." He says sounding breathless as he stumbles backwards. I take advantage of the daze he's in grabbing his shirt and pulling him back against me once again kissing him. I keep hold of his shirt as I walk backwards. He gives in kissing me back as we both fall down onto my bed.

His tongue traces along my bottom then top lip, I open my mouth and he slips his tongue in. The kiss feels more powerful then the others before, like they get stronger every time. But maybe he is stronger then I thought he suddenly disappears. I open my eyes lurching forward to see him standing at my door his eyes shut with an irritated expression.

"I have to go." He says softly.

"Please don't." I beg. "I don't want anyone else!" I shout. "If you leave I will just spend my life alone missing you." I'd spent most of my believing you could fall in love more then once. But I haven't believed it since I fell in love with him, not this kind of love. This kind of love only happens once and it's so powerful.

He shakes his head looking down at me. "That's bullshit Lydia."

"No it isn't don't tell me how I feel! If anyone doesn't give a damn it's you." I say feeling defeated I stand up and head for my bathroom door knowing he's going to leave now.

I slam the bathroom door shut, I don't want him to see me fall apart. Tears stain my cheeks as I slowly crumble to the floor.

**************

Just as I'm about to fall asleep I feel the bed shift my eyes fly open I start to scream but a hand covers my mouth and I meet a familiar pair of blue eyes. "It's just me..." He trails off.

"Silas?" I rub my eyes tiredly. "What are you doing here?" I haven't seen him since last night and I've done nothing but lay in bed all day. He runs his hand up my jaw and then down the length of my neck.

"I don't even know." He admits. "I just... I couldn't leave things the way I did." He says sadly he looks...tortured. 

"Just go." I croak, just as I think I can't cry again I am proven wrong the tears start to roll down my face. I roll over throwing the blanket over my head trying to hide it.

The blanket moves his hands grab me laying me flat on my back now both of us under the blanket.

"Wow you always sleep like this?" He asks licking his lips his eyes trailing down the length of my body. 

"Um..." I breath losing train of thought. All I'm wearing is a white tank top and black lacy underwear.

"I'm sorry I hurt you love." He say softly staring into my eyes. "I'm just... trying to be realistic you have no real future with me."

"You can't know that unless you give it a chance." I argue frowning. "Did you come back here to upset me all over again.

"No, I wanted to make it better." He says softly his eyes searching mine. Before I can respond his lips find mine. Heat spreads through my veins just like fire. His hand trails up my bare thigh sending an electric current through my entire body.

Sometimes I wonder if I even come close to affecting him the way he affects me. His tongue moves in sync with mine getting a little braver I tangle my hands into his hair he presses himself hard against me groaning and then suddenly he's gone.

"Ugh!" I growl lurching forward to find him standing beside the window running his hand through his hair in frustration. "Silas!" I whine like a child who didn't get what they wanted.

Now I guess I have my answer there is no possible way I affect him the way he does me because I can't pull away from him the way he does me.