Ever Since New York - Harry Styles Series

Secrets are Coming Out - Part 40

When you got up to the nursery, you laid Mac onto the changing table. You unbuttoned his onesie and took off his diaper before changing it with a new one. Everything your father had said downstairs came out of nowhere, you didn't know how to feel.

Was he trying to make you feel bad about having Mac when you were still quite young in your career?

Did he think your career was over because there wasn't any way you could possibly make time for touring and time in the studio when you had a baby?

If you waited too long, would your fans move on?

Could you handle watching Harry going out on stage every night, while you were just another member of the audience?

Harry walking into the nursery quickly brought you out of your thoughts and self-doubt.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hey," you whispered sitting down in the glider chair with Mac.

"Y/N what your father said-" he sighed.

"Do you think he's right?" You asked. "Do you think my career is going to be over? That my fans will walk away?"

"No, of course not," he said kneeling down in front of you. "Your fans bloody love you and will always be there. They know you just had a baby, so I'm sure they understand why you haven't made any new music yet."

You sighed, "Why does this always happen? Why is it that women are expected to have babies, but then they're made to feel like they shouldn't have them because there's no way they could be anything other than someone's wife or someone's mother."

"And I never would have thought my own father would be that person," you sniffled.

"I'm sure he was trying to be helpful in his own way, but it came off wrong," he said.

You sighed kissing Mac's little head.

"Do you think I'm selfish or wrong for going on this tour?" He whispered.

"Harry," you sighed.

"No, tell me. Honestly, tell me how you feel. Do you wish I canceled the tour?" He asked.

"Sometimes, yes," you nodded. "But it's only for selfish reasons. I just I know when I see you on stage every night and see how amped up you are and how happy you are... I'm going to want to that... I miss touring, I miss being up on that stage and being in front of my fans."

"Baby, why didn't you tell me?" He sighed.

"Because I guess I didn't really think about it," you said.

He sighed standing up and running his hand over his mouth. "And now I feel like the world's biggest ass."

"But you're not," you said. "I can't tell you not to go on tour, which is part of your job, just because I'm going to get a little jealous. I'll have my time eventually, so it's okay, really."

He sighed shaking his head. "I really wish you would have told me."

"And what you would have canceled or postponed the tour? Then who's the one being selfish?" you asked.

"I still wish you would have told me," he said. "I don't want secrets between us... I don't want either of us hiding our feelings from each other just because we're afraid it might hurt the other."

You sighed looking down. The memories of the pap came flooding back and how you were keeping the fact that he had been around a lot longer than Harry thought.

"There's something else I should probably tell you," you said.

"What?" He asked.

"The night of the Brit Awards... I saw the same pap that was outside our house. He had been watching me... watching us the entire night. I felt there was something off with him and I remember why. Do you remember the night of you secret show in London?" You asked.

'The one at the Garage?" He asked.

You nodded, "And you remember what happened that night after I got into the little spat with your family?"

Confusion was apparent on his face before he clearly remembered what happened. "You were... that guy... that was the fucking guy who touched you?" He shouted.

"Harry! Lower your voice please," you sighed.

"You mean to tell me that he's the one, who not only shoved a camera in your face but grabbed you and picked you up. And the one who caused you to almost lose Mac?" He snapped.

You sighed nodding.

"I can't believe this shit, Y/N," Harry said. "You knew this and you didn't fucking tell me?"

"No, because I knew you were going to react like this!" You said. "You would have punched him and landed yourself in jail."

"Maybe so, but I also could have charged his ass for more than just trespassing and stalking!" He said. "I deserved to know who that piece of shit was."

Mac started crying in your arms and Harry looked at him sadly, realizing that he was more than likely scared him with his raised voice.

"Shh, it's okay, baby," you whispered holding him close to you.

Harry quickly walked over and rubbed Mac's back. "I'm sorry buddy, Daddy didn't mean to scare you."

Harry looked at you and sighed, "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have..."

"You have every right to be upset, I know you're more upset at him... than me," you whispered. "I should have told you and I'm sorry."

He sighed, "Let's just forget about it..." he whispered kissing your head.

Mac sniffled and looked up at Harry. He took him into his arms and held him close to his chest. "I love you," he whispered. "I didn't mean to frighten you."

Mac snuggled into his chest and his whimpering quieted down as his eyes slowly started to shut. You got up from the chair and wrapped your arms around your boys.

"Why don't we go and rest as a family?" You whispered. "I think we all need to calm down and recharge for a bit before we talk with my parents about what happened earlier."

Harry nodded and you both walked into your bedroom before laying down on the bed, with Mac laying on top of Harry's chest. You smiled giving him a quick kiss before wrapping your arms around him and Mac and falling asleep, hoping that once you woke up in a few hours everything would be calm and okay again.