Yoongi was sat in his studio, head burried deep in his hands.
Yoongi's head was fucked, it was all jumbled and messy, his thoughts were running around in his head, going up and down, in and out.
His head was a maze of thoughts and emotions that he couldn't let out.
Some he could, places he has full access to, the misery, numbness, negativity he didn't need.
Yet some places he couldn't get to, thoughts, emotions, it's like they were locked up, somewhere he cant go, he doesn't have the key, he needs a key, but he doesn't have one, he couldn't get to the happiness, joy, cheerfulness, positivity he needed.
Some things he locks up from himself, things like memories, he has full access to them, but he doesn't want to see them, he doesn't want to remember, so he locks them up, like they were in a seperate room.
But it felt like something else was there, like he let something in that hadn't left like he expected it to.
His head was a mansion.
Maybe it's a bit exagerate to say that the idea hit him like a bunch of boulders, but it's true really, it hit him hard.
He grabbed his notebook, cursing himself for not realising this earlier.
He wrote the title at the top.
Mansion: (Things in italics he's writing down)
He didn't bother with lyrics, just writing what he thought. His thoughts from earlier coming back, except he now had answers, to the things that weren't really questions in the first place.
He had a way to explain what was going on in his head, what his mind was like, a way to make an easier image for people to see, to understand.
Thoughts were running around in his head. My thoughts running to find my definition of perfection, how i run around trying to be the best i can be. Up and down, in and out, thoughts running up and down stairs, in and out of rooms in search for an open one to settle down, so i can figure them out, but barely any are open, so i cant figure them out.
Thoughts and emotions he couldn't let out. Locked rooms everywhere, showing my way of enclosing myself in, being private and not letting things out in the open.
Places he has access to, misery, numbness, negativity. Misery, numbness, negativity, emotions that come easily, emotions i feel easy to achieve, rooms that are always open because that's where my mind regresses to when something happens.
Some places he couldn't get to, thoughts, emotions, like they were locked up, somewhere he cant go, he doesn't have the key, he needs a key, but he doesn't have one, I dont have a key to things like happiness, joy, cheerfulness, positivity, showing how difficult it is for me to find comfort, to be happy, that i dont posses what others have to unlock them. he couldn't get to the happiness, joy, cheerfulness, positivity.
Things he locks up from himself, things like memories, he has full access to them, but he doesn't want to see them, he doesn't want to remember, so he locks them up, like they were in a seperate room. Locked up memories show my fear of the past, not wanting to look back, scared of what happened and what would resurface is i unlocked the door in my mind, releasing all the memories i'm scared of.
But it felt like something else was there, like he let something in that hadn't left like he expected it to. Fear, i'd let fear into my house years ago, back when i lived with my father, the room is open, closed, but not locked and i cant find the key to lock him up, so he controls me from inside, showing how my emotions get the best of me, that fear in that room controls me. I cant ask him to leave because then i'd have to open the door, the fear of him, fear, completely taking over to strong, so i let him sit there, cotrolling me, he's taken over so much of me i cant get him to leave, the fear of what will happen if i do.
My head is a mansion, and i cant find the front door.
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If you couldn't already tell this is based of Nf's song 'Mansion'
Yall serioiusly need to check him out,
He's amazing and deserves way more fans
(Unedited)
~Catherine
