Prisoner of Circumstance | ✔️

11 | Well-nigh

ELEVEN - Well-nigh

"Hi!"

"Hey!" I replied dryly.

"Can we talk?" She asked.

"Do I have a choice?"

"I guess not..." She pursed her lips. I didn't respond. Just opened the door wider and moved out of the way for her to enter the house.

I knew. I knew she knew. And I also knew that she knew that I knew what she knew. It was all in her mannerisms. The way she was fighting so hard to keep it together but to me, she was always easy to read. No matter how hard she tried, she could never hide anything from me. Or at least not the things that mattered.

That's why I knew she was in pain. She was hurting. And that it was time for us to have the talk.

But the stoned version of myself didn't give a jackass. He was tired of it all. People acting like he was just an ornament for decoration without any real feelings, there to soothe other people's sufferings when they needed it.

It was high time he chose himself and tell the rest of the world to go fuck itself because no matter how good you're—people, life—they will always find a way to fuck you over.

And I was done with it.

"Why don't you just spare us both the theatrics and get whatever it is out of your chest." I started.

A humorless chuckled escaped her lips. "Theatrics, you say..." She sneered.

"What do you want Ndeshi?" I narrowed my eyes at her. "Because in case you haven't noticed, I am not feeling like your cup of tea today? Or you what to hump me dry again and up and leave after the deed is done? What is it—"

"Why?" She interrupted me. "Why me? Just why...?"

"Are you obtuse or just generally stupid. What kind of a stupid question is that? Why? You are asking me why...?" I started laughing. It held no humor behind it, instead it was cold... empty without any real feelings—dry.

"What am I to you Ndeshi? A puppet?"

"Don't answer my questions with a question and least of all don't put words in my mouth. I never said that..."

"They say actions speak louder then words." My head was spinning. I was angst-y and frustrated and just angry at the world. I was feeling inadequate, like I wasn't good enough, like I wasn't good enough for anyone, like I didn't matter in anyone's life.

And did it hurt. I kept asking myself why? The same question she is asking me. Why me? What have I done to deserve the shit in my my life.

She—Ndeshi was supposed to be my escape. She was supposed to be my pillar of support but instead she acted like I didn't matter. I needed someone to help me get through my parents' divorce because to them—my parents—I didn't exist and I thought she would be that one person.

"You don't have to say it for me to know... it's all in your actions."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She scrunched up her face.