Prisoner of Circumstance | ✔️

4 | Cabal

FOUR - Cabal

It was the ever repeating process of thinking and overthinking. Of always not knowing what is and what will.

It was always the same unanswered questions wracking my sanity. Questions that I desperately needed answers to but with no plausible responses.

These were the thoughts raping my mind as I completed my journal entry. The last line caught a nerve. It stated: Don't they say if you're given lemons, don't complain, just take them and make lemonade out of it?

It was high time I stopped feeling sorry for myself and find a way to beat whatever this was that wanted to bury me deep under the rug.

It was high time for me to take a stand for myself and for them, not buckling under the resilient weight of the world on my shoulders.

"How are you?" Sami questioned. "You don't look so good."

"I don't feel so good." I answered rhetorically, slamming the diary shut with force.

"I can see that." He furrowed his brows, concerned. "What's up?"

"Life and its bullshit, that's what's up." I snapped. "Sorry. I am just... you know..." I apologized immediately.

"It's okay." He said and kept quiet, silently regarding me with a broken countenance. "Someone tried to kill you Alex."

"I know." I whispered. "I know."

"I don't know how you are feeling. I think I never will but at least help me understand. Help me help you. You've been quiet. Oddly quiet. Just talk to me. Rant, shout or yell if you've to but just talk to me."

"What do you want me to tell you Sami?" I gathered my eyebrows. "What..." I gulped painfully, attempting at swallowing my emotions away. I pressed my eyes shut and laid back on the bed with my head on the pillow, facing the ceiling. I blinked away the threatening tears.

God... I almost died. I literally almost died.

What's happening to me? How am I supposed to feel? How do I react to any of it? I have questions every passing second but answers to them are nowhere to be found.

I almost died, I sighed internally. I almost died. How exactly?

Immediately after Melinda left, Uncle G took me to the dining hall for my breakfast. The whole journey there my mind was preoccupied and working overtime, overthinking and overanalyzing- like always-everything Melinda told me. My possible next moves and like every god damn millisecond of my life, about the what ifs and what could.

I was so dazed and in an unprecedented trance that I literally didn't realize I was done collecting the food. Sami like the good friend he was, when he saw the state I was in, helped me to the table where he was seated alone.

Like always-my new favorite line (sense the sarcasm)-whenever I am in their surroundings, the inmates started with their murderous glares, threats and insistent buzzing. Since I wasn't in the mood for anything or anyone, I just ignored them all and took my seat.

First, we-Sami and I-were seated in silence with Sami exchanging inquisitive looks but without asking the questions he really wanted to ask. When he saw I wasn't gonna budge anytime soon, he took the bait and asked the question he was itching to.

"So..." He stretched the word out with his head slanted sideways and his eyes squinted. "What happened? What's with the broody, 'I want to kill myself' mood?" I didn't say anything. I just looked up at him and back at my excuse of breakfast, stirring it absentmindedly without actually eating it.