Untitled, 2018

Chapter 68: The Hardest Choices We Make

"Weak," he snickered. "You have to go all in if you're doing this, or it's a bluff, a gamble. Nobody knows you."
I shook my head firmly.
Kahn thought for a moment. "But then we just have to leak this picture first. Then people will think Jihun and Baek Hee are the ones dating, not cheating." I had to admit, that was wicked clever, and if I had been a little more removed from the situation, I would have probably suggested it myself.

Gunho shakily mumbled, "But... if it leaked... Noona and Jihun might..."
We sat silently.

"They should have known. They did wrong. Why drag this other guy along?" Kahn said.
"I guess maybe we owe it to them. For the cheating, manipulation, blackmail..." Gunho tried rationalizing out loud.

Exactly what did they do that was so wrong? Jihun clearly just liked Baek Hee, and looked out for her. They made mistakes... but ruining their careers? Was I really supposed to make that kind of a choice for them? But then Jimin's freedom and reputation, his happiness popped into my head. How far was I willing to go for the man I loved? Was this for justice?

"But blackmail is illegal." Gunho said.
I nodded. "I don't know how I should do this if I don't want to get in trouble myself."

"It's not blackmail if you simply... strike first. Leak the photos to media. They won't know what hit them. I want to see the smug face wiped off that new Directing Manager. He thinks now that he has my position he can abuse it to do things like this. What a scam." He sent a dirty look my way too. Oh no... So this started all the way back when I fought with this man, huh? His annoyance was understandable.

"But who is Media? Who should I tell and send the photo to and stay anonymous?" I was frustrated.

Kahn stood up and started walking out. "I know a Dispatch reporter's contact information. I met her at a studio once. Just ask Gunho when you're ready and I'll give him her contact information. But hurry. Saturday is our last meeting to decide what to do."

All I could hope for was that BigHit wouldn't relent to their demands and announce the relationship before that.

Kahn stepped out, but I followed him. "Wait!"
He stopped to look at me.

"I'm sorry if I humiliated you. I didn't mean for them to demote you."
Kahn's naturally sharp and aggressive demeanor softened a little. "It wasn't a very good of proud time of my life, and I took it out on the wrong things. This has been a time of reflection for me, and I do regret how I behaved that day." He sighed. "And don't worry, this is showbiz after all. I'm good at what I do when I try. I'll be back up there before you know it."

He walked away. "Who knows? Maybe I'll torment you some more in the future."
I narrowed my eyes at him but smiled despite myself. Gunho caught up to me and commented, "He's still the most annoying man on the planet, don't get me wrong. But he's a perfectionist and a hard worker. I've relied more on him than my bandmates this last month, and he's helped me escape the hole that this company is to some extent."

I nodded. "Are you planning on leaving this company, then?" He pursed his lips. "It's not that easy. All I can do now is establish my solo career so I'm not irrelevant when HighTen disbands."
"You're disbanding?!"
"No no, not yet. But we're not a sustainable group. You can't expect us to be authentic when we hate each other and keep getting into trouble. There's only so much we can pretend."

He walked me out and hailed me a cab. "Gunho, this is your dream, right?" He looked at me curiously but nodded. "Then good luck with it. I don't think we will see each other again."
He smiled sadly. "Thank you. Good luck to you too, and your dreams. You're a crazy one, but you're smart too. Call me when you decide what to do with the tabloid reporter..." he sighed shakily. "Kahn just texted me her contact information. I'll support you regardless of what you choose." I hugged him before I got into the cab, and he was a little surprised, but smiled and hugged me back.

Once I was in my hotel room, I started cleaning up and packing while thinking about this whole situation and the power that was suddenly in my hands. I wondered what Jimin was doing right now. Whether he was moping or practicing or making music. They had a performance coming up in fours days for New Year's Eve, so he was likely in the studio. I wondered if he would appreciate what I was about to do tomorrow. If he would thank me or if he would hate me for it. It was nerve wracking, and I didn't know if I was making the right decision, but before the evening wore on too long, I called Gunho.

"I decided. Can you give me her number, then?"

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The next day, Friday

I went to a cafe in the morning to meet up with her, and before leaving I'd nervously sipped on half a glass of water and slid her a cheap flash drive with the picture of Jihun and Baek Hee.

As I left the cafe I turned around and glanced back at her. Wanting to rid myself of the guilt and the situation, I let her know, "That was my only copy, by the way". She nodded, and I walked out of the cafe feeling drained. Before the guilt could eat me up, I took a bus straight to the Korean restaurant, Jimin's little hideout, one last time. The receptionist was a little surprised to see me alone but still led me back to the same table Jimin and I always sat at, all for myself. I looked across the table at the empty seat in front of me, and again felt tears threatening to spill as I ate. I hope I made the right choice, Jiminnie.