Untitled, 2018

Chapter 53: Just Talk

The rest of the next week and a half passed rather uneventfully, a much needed break from the craziness gnawing at me from all sides. I decided not to touch Hanna's phone until she slipped up and left it somewhere, so she wouldn't get suspicious and delete her account or her files. It'd be better to recover them all before confronting her about it, just in case she panicked and we lose our research.

I kept up with the world tour news and photos that came out despite the little pang I felt every time I looked at Jimin. I had accidentally subconsciously called him and hung up the other evening, sure, but he hadn't even bothered calling back. I wanted to slap myself. Stupid, stupid. For thinking he would care. Jimin, The Park Jimin.

When the MAMA ceremonies rolled around I just shook my head at my Korean buddies who actually watched all of it. (I fondly remembered when it used to be just one day, not continuously increasing in length and decreasing in unique groups performing.) Of course, out of loyalty, I had to watch Bangtan perform, and for the first time it felt like a different kind of excitement seeing my friends perform so well on TV, after all the practice I'd watched them put into the special stages. Not to mention, it was odd watching it at a normal time, not in the middle of the night, for once.

On the night of Bangtan's performance, I got a text from Taehyung reminding me that they would be having the big after-party in a couple of days, and that I should get dolled up for the occasion.

When I mentioned to Kang that I'd been invited, he excitedly told me everything he knew about it through his connections (he had family in showbiz, I realized).

Apparently it was a big event held by the network for the industry and celebrities of all kinds would show up to meet each other. Since it was a more hush-hush event that the media was not invited to or made aware of, things got pretty wild and the attendees felt more chilled out about it. When I asked Kang if I would stand out like a sore thumb, he told me to pretend my older sister was a foreign actor if I was asked. We figured that would be smarter than raising suspicion of being only tangentially related to BTS.

By the way, I loved this man: Kang. He was my mentor and my partner in crime, while Mateo just shook his head and listened to our antics as we worked together.

He looked like he was having fun these days, Mateo. He'd gotten cozy with an exchange student from a neighboring university in the US, and I could tell that the two of them would probably get together soon. But because of this he spent less time with us, and I didn't feel comfortable dumping my Hanna problems on him either.

I went out to buy a fancy looking dress for the evening so I wouldn't look too out-of-place, but my hair and, well, face made that a little hard in this country. Turns out I didn't really have all that to worry about, but I didn't realize it till later.

Taehyung
_________________

The Japan leg of the world tour so far was so tense, you could cut through it with a knife. There were at least two of us who were too upset to talk normally to Jimin, most of the rest would awkwardly pretend nothing was wrong, and Jungkook was the only one who seemed unaffected, except for when he was around us all because of the awkwardness. Yoongi and I were the ones most upset he hadn't told us; Jungkook's reaction, or lack thereof, made me realize that he probably already knew, which just made me upset at him too.

I didn't know what to think about the whole news, really. Above all, I was upset he hadn't told me for months, but I couldn't deny that a large part of what bugged me was his choice. Baek Hee was pretty, clever, heck even charming when she needed to be. I wouldn't have let my poor opinion of her get in the way of me supporting Jimin if I wasn't convinced he was making the wrong choice. Ever since he'd told us the news, rather than look happy or share more stories with us— well, at least with people more enthusiastic like Jin— he holed himself up alone in his room even more than usual, looked sullen, and sighed off into the distance a lot.

On the first evening I had heard the most life in him in a while when he picked up a phone call in the dressing room when we were both in there. I heard him respond to the line, "Hello...? Riti? Hello?" Only to curse when the line was cut. I pretended not to notice but kneaded my forehead in annoyance.

As the trips drew to a close I bumped into him looking a little forlorn at the restroom once. I washed my hands when he saw me, but internally I wanted to smack some sense into the guy. Jimin said hi to me, but I didn't respond, so he left the bathroom in frustration. I turned the tap off and sighed, looking in the mirror. In walked Jungkook, looking troubled.

"Tae, did you see Jimin walk by? He looked a little upset?"
I looked at him through the mirror and gave him a quick, matter-of-fact glare.
"Oh. Dude, why aren't you talking to him? Do you hate Baek Hee that much?"
I grabbed a paper towel and responded, "No, but I do hate everything happening right now. Don't act all innocent. You knew, didn't you?"
Jungkook walked up next to me and glared at me. "Yes, I found out accidentally a while ago. He didn't go out of his way to tell me and not tell you. So I don't understand why you should be upset about that."
I turned to face Kook. "Why is he upset?"
"What?"
"He's upset. Can't you tell? He's been upset since he's told us. Why is that? Do you know?"
He stumbled on his words, "W-well you guys haven't been the most accepting..."
"Wrong. If he was going to be upset about our reaction, he wouldn't have told us when he did. Or even more so, he wouldn't have dated her in the first place."
Jungkook stared at me in confusion.
"If he really jumped all these hurdles for her, he'd be calling her at night, talking to her and about her, looking to her for comfort. Has he called her even once this week? Did you see them interact during MAMA? Did he even watch her performance on TV?"
"I don't understand what you're getting at..."

I placed my hands on his shoulders and stared him down. "He doesn't love her! I don't understand why he's doing this to himself. Working to the bone and staring at his phone waiting for a certain call."
"You mean..."
"—And he doesn't call either! I can't tell what's on his mind, and he doesn't seem like he wants to share either."
Jungkook shook my grip off and snapped my attention back to him as he huffed, "Pull yourself together! Do you even understand what you're saying? In what world do those two have a chance? You don't know anything about his feelings; you haven't even asked him."
I blinked a couple of times. "I haven't asked him, you're right. But the fact that you, despite your thick-headedness with these matters, know who I'm talking about means something."
I turned to walk out of the bathroom as Jungkook protested indignantly, "I'm not thick-headed; I found out long before any of you!"

I would have to ask Jimin myself; Jungkook was right. I would have to figure out what was on his mind. Riti's words came back to me right then too: he was my best friend after all. I could tell what was brewing in his heart. But maybe he just hadn't realized it himself.