Untitled, 2018

Chapter 37: Principles

A kind of funky looking short man wearing a baseball cap and an unstylish pair of ripped jeans sat down right next to me, munching on chips loudly. Almost immediately, he started conversation: "So who are you here with?"
"Me? I'm here with... a makeup and dressing crew."
He tried to look very shocked for some reason.
"Really? You look so exotic, I thought you were someone's foreign girlfriend. But you speak Korean!"
"... I'm not great at Korean though," so please stop talking to me.

An advertisement began on TV, displaying all the future performances, including BTS.
"Sissies, all of them." He said flippantly.
"Excuse me?"
"These weak boys— they're so... unmanly, girly."
I looked him in surprise and quietly got up, muttering, "I don't think you should say that."

To my misfortune, the man followed me as I walked past a group of people clustered around another TV in the hallway. "I'm sure a woman like you doesn't find that sexy, right? Women like you need real men around." Whomstdve are you and why are you following me??

"Well you would be surprised, dude." I got increasingly irritated as we neared the end of the hallway. People were absorbed in their own business, and I couldn't slip in anywhere either. Another hallway and we'd be backstage, which is off-limits. So I stopped and stood to stare at the last TV of the hall. The backstage area was very loud, so I thought it would deter him. However, the man came up and started talking loudly, seriously starting to embarrass me. "They wear makeup and dance like that. Who are they trying to fool?" I kept quiet and pretended I didn't hear him, but he came close enough that his arm grazed mine. I tried to ignore him as best as I could, but it was incredibly annoying and uncomfortable, since he kept talking.

________________
Jimin

My brain was a little overwhelmed with all the things on my mind. On one hand this was our first big award show performance of the year, and it's not like the performance pressure ever decreased despite the number of times we did it. And on the other hand, in the back of my mind I kept replaying the conversation I had had this morning with guilt and anger. I was angry at myself for behaving like that, but inexplicably annoyed at her too. It was frustrating. I never act like that, ever. I didn't understand what was going on inside my head and I didn't have the slightest idea of how to decode it.

As we went downstairs to get ready for our performance, our manager tailed us as I walked ahead of the pack to the dressing room hallway. As we reached the corner, I heard a man's loud voice in the hallway. "You said you aren't Korean, right? Where are you staying? Are you with anyone right now? I can show you how to have fun in Korea."
Oh, gross. After a pause, an all too recognizable accented voice spoke up, "Excuse me, but no. I think I prefer these unmanly boys."
I slowed down, confused. Riti...?
I picked up my pace and saw, ten feet away, a stranger unnecessarily close to her as she stared at the TV, poker-faced. My danger alarm went off and I went towards her hurriedly as the man remarked, "Boys like this? You sure? This one especially... you can tell he's... you know, gay."
She snapped her head to look at him, and from my angle I saw his expression visibly change as his goofy smile dropped.
"Boys like this?" She said with an edge to her voice.
I looked at the monitor, it was an ad featuring my part from the DNA M/V. "They're the best ones out there."

She gestured at the TV, "Jimin, who happens to be my favorite, is one of the most talented and deserving artists out there. There's nothing wrong if any of these idols are gay. But I'll have you know, grooming yourself and looking good does not make men gay or "unmanly". If anything, you could take some advice from them. Now, are you going to leave or should I?" The man looked very disgruntled as he walked away, throwing dirty looks back at her.
She sighed deeply and held her forehead with her free hand, the other somehow always holding on to camera equipment that always looks too big for her. The other members had caught up to me by now with our manager, though those in the back hadn't heard or paid attention, so they walked in more loudly.

Hearing our voices, Riti looked over her shoulder right at me and yelped in surprise, making me take a reflexive step back. The two of us froze like deer in headlights, before her face trembled with very apparent embarrassment. She turned around promptly and ran towards the bathrooms.
"Wait!" I stepped to go after her, but I felt a hand on my shoulder—Yoongi. "Jimin. Later."
Hobi went ahead and walked towards our dressing rooms, laughing, "Did you hear all that? So cute, so she was lying earlier because she was embarrassed."
I scrunched my eyebrows, concerned. "But earlier I..."
Taehyung and Yoongi walked by me, Tae pulling me with him, both looking a little somber.
"I listened in this morning. You messed up." Yoongi sighed under his breath.

Yeah, and I felt really troubled about it. First, I was not sure what made me so upset today, and on top of that I had been so mean. In the hurrying around I couldn't process everything she said, but all that stuck out was how she stood up for me, despite how I'd insulted her in the morning.

Every now and then I spotted her bouncy hair poking over a camera in a corner of the room or a glimpse of her looking away from me as quickly as possible, but people kept holding me down to get ready or ask me things.

_______________________
Later

When we were finally done with our whole performance and went up to receive another award, I slipped away to "go to the bathroom". Taehyung was clearly upset on Riti's behalf that day and did not think twice before I left, but Yoongi eyed me suspiciously. I looked at him and tried to communicate what it was about, and he caught on immediately, giving me a slight nod.

I cut through the side directly to the dressing room area, and walked briskly to look for her. I passed by a couple quarreling; the tall man with his hands pinning the girl to the wall as she whispered to him angrily. Sus, but okay.
.
.
Wait, pause. I know her.
.
I backtracked and patted on the tall, silver-haired man's back. He immediately stepped away, and I caught sight of Riti... looking shocked and embarrassed to see me.

I breathed slowly and held my hand out, and heard the man's voice: "Oh, sir I'm sorry I didn't see—"
"Whatever." I dismissed him, but then looked up to see who it was. It was that idol boy whose name was slipping my mind. Laundromat. "Oh."