Penelope Day
I wish I could say that after everything fell apart that night, the pieces just magically fell into place. To reverse the saying 'The calm before the storm', it would have been 'The storm before the calm' but no, none of that happened.
At first, we all tried to brush it off. Sage would suddenly decide to stay, for Jae, for us, her friends. We were full of false anticipation, humor, and irrational thoughts.
The day Sage left California, Jae's mind was in absolute turmoil. He went to their memorable spots. He refused to believe that she left. His usual routine didn't stop. He still brings fresh flowers to Kai's grave whenever he visits him.
Every time Jae visits his brother, he would hope that Sage would show up, either to visit her parents or to offer flowers to Kai.
Jae waited. He waited and waited. Even though we, including his family, told him not to.
He waited for a person who didn't want to come back.
After being sad and hurt that Sage left, the rest of us seemed to get over her disappearance quickly--too many things were happening at once to dwell on it.
Everyone, both his family and us friends, tried to cheer Jae up by buying his favorite snacks or encouraging him to go out and watch a movie with us.
Jae became numb. Too numb to cry. He lived in a daze like an astronaut lost in space, just floating, seeing nothing but darkness, hearing nothing but silence.
Sometimes he would type a hundred messages and emails to Sage, but he only sent a few of them. Telling her that he was waiting for her. Sometimes, Jae would look for her to appear somewhere, even though he knew she wouldn't be there.
Every time he confided in us, mainly Res, Jae would wish that he could have gone to where Sage went. Sometimes, he would go a whole day curled up in bed, almost catatonic.
That was what he had been like when Kai had died, and Jae couldn't seem to believe that he'd feel that way again because of Sage. How could she leave without coming back? How could she give up and leave everything behind? How can a person entirely disregard someone she holds dear?
Jae was like that for a few years, and when we entered our third year in college, we thought he was slowly beginning to move on from Sage. It was a miracle that he passed his final exams.
Then came the day that us senior students were all waiting and preparing for. It was the day when I understood that the closer people are to you, the greater the pain when they leave.
There I was in a black robe with a sky blue dress underneath, a black graduation cap with a green tassel over my ginger head. Watching everyone rejoice for the next chapter in their lives brought a sad smile to my face.
Mother and father wore retrained smiles as I ascended the stage to receive my diploma. And despite our cold relationship, I could see in their eyes that they were proud.
They spent almost two years searching for Sara Chan before they gave up and took on another assignment.
I did group hugs with my friends, pounded fists, took wacky pictures, and made jokes about what our lives would be like in the future.
I can never forget the smiles we had that day--It was untainted bliss.
Despite Jae's unhappiness, he smiled at everyone's triumphs. He knew Sage would have liked that.
Summer came in a blink of an eye, and the ten of us had our last get-together at the beach. Somehow, Jae seemed lighter and calmer, as if the waves had washed away his anxieties.
