Sage Heart
88 messages. 97 missed calls.
"Shouldn't you answer at least once?"
Carefully, I push my back off the soft bed, rub the sleep out of my eyes using the back of my palm, and cast a cursory glance in Angel's direction.
Her silky pink hair is in a high bun, she's wearing a white apron over a black v-neck and denim cutoffs, she's barefoot in the kitchen, holding a spatula over a pan of sizzling hot omelette, and her emerald eyes are laced with sadness.
"I can't stay here any longer, Ange," I say decisively, forcing myself to slide off the bed.
"The mansion? Los Angeles? Or California in general?"
My steps are lifeless as I approach my best friend of five years. I peek over her shoulder to check her cooking, and despite my current situation, my lips twitch up into a small smile. My gaze is still fixated on the yummy-looking omelette when I say, "That smells so good."
"Want a bite?" She scrapes off a small piece and offers it to my mouth.
I blow on the food at least ten times to make sure it doesn't burn my tongue. I lean forward, chomp on the omelette, and chew slowly, savoring the mouthwatering taste and delectable scent.
"Sometimes I could marry you," I say dreamily, enjoying the tantalizing flavor in my mouth.
"And what about Jae?" Angel's words catch me off guard.
I take a step back from her and tousle my already unkempt locks. I turn my back on her as I say, "I have to leave.. again."
"When?"
My eyes lower to the newspaper in the trash can beside the fridge. The word SCIENTIST is visible, and an cold feeling slithers down my spine.
"As soon as possible," I mutter, shoving the paper further down the trash can.
When I glance over at Angel, she's just about done setting up the table. She locks gazes with me while saying, "What about your friends?"
My eyes stare into hers, implacable. "You know the drill. I admit, I've become attached to everyone, but let's face it, Ange, I can't stay in one place forever. I have to do this." I walk toward the round table and sit down opposite Angel. "It's for the best."
"You know I support any decision you make," says Angel, sauntering over to the bedroom I use whenever I sleep over here. A second later, she emerges, green phone in hand. She holds out the phone to me, fixing me with a serious expression. "But you should at least talk to him."
Reluctantly, I grab the phone from her hand. I stare at the glowing screen, which is flashing a picture of Jae's smile. After a bit of hesitation, I answer the call, swiping a forkful of omelette on my way to my room for privacy.
"Heart! Are you alright?!? What happened yesterday?!? Where are you?!?" The worry in Jae's voice is evident, the rush in his words heavy with dread.
"I'm safe," for now, "that's all you need to know," I answer evasively, then chew for a few seconds before swallowing.
"Are you confined in a hospital?"
"...No." I sit down on my bed.
"Will you be returning to your house soon?"
How does he know I'm not there? "Ham, where are you exactly?"
"Outside your house," he replies instantly. "Your cats don't seem to be here.."
"They're with me." As if on cue, my seven cats poke their heads from under the bed.
"Heart.." Jae trails off, sounding awkward. "What's going on?"
"I can't tell you." My fingers grip the phone tighter.
A long beat of silence falls before he asks wearily, "What can you tell me?"
"I have to leave."
"What? I don't understand."
Sighing, I reach behind me for a throw pillow and hug it against my chest. "I just.. can't stay here in California anymore. I'm sorry."
When he speaks, his tone is even more flummoxed. "Heart.. What is going on right now?"
"I'm sorry," I reiterate, gnawing on my right thumbnail nervously.
"Heart.. whatever it is that's bothering you, I might not be able to solve it, but I can be strength to you. Will you please tell me where you are so I can go there?"
"No," I snap, then ruefully, I say, "No, I shouldn't tell you my location. Just.. please tell everyone I'm sorry." I'm about to hang up when..
"Wait..please.." I can hear him exhale deeply. "Please stay in Los Angeles."
"I wish I could."
"You know you can if you want to, right?"
"I'm a firm believer that a person can't always get what he wants."
"And I am a firm believer that I am that person," says Jae, sounding crestfallen.
Planting my nude feet on the cold white tiles, I amble over to the vast french window, push it open a little, and gaze outside. The sky is blue, the air is hot, and the trees look healthy.
"Maybe I am too," I say, leaving a pregnant pause, then continue, "There's a reason I ended up in LA. People don't just move to foreign places without sensible reasons."
I watch as the bushes below sway slightly to the meek wind. "I had a life before me, and it dragged me to where I am at this point, and it will continue dragging me to where I'm supposed to be. Does that make any sense?"
A bit perturbed, Jae answers. "Yeah." Warily, he adds, "And that means you will eventually leave this place.. because of your past, am I right?"
My whole body stiffens, but I try to sound unfazed. "That is correct."
Drawing out a deep breath, Jae asks, "But what about choices, Heart? How about doing something that you want?"
"Some of us don't have that privilege." If my voice held any melancholy, he doesn't note it.
"You seem so sure," he remarks sullenly.
A solemn smile spreads across my lips. "I've been through more than enough, so yes, I am quite sure."
"Will you be leaving soon?" For some reason, he sounds so calm.
"Yes." This feels off. My heart is hammering fast inside my chest. This sense of foreboding.. It's almost similar to whenever I had trouble sleeping at night, staying up in the fear of hearing the door creak open, heavy footsteps tramping on the noisy wooden floor, a large palm covering my mouth to prevent me from screaming for help.
A low chuckle escapes him. "After all this time, I never called you by your first name."
I close my eyes, mentally combing through my memories. In the eight months I've known Jae, not once did I address him on a first-name basis either.
"It feels sort of.. bittersweet, doesn't it?" I comment, feeling regretful.
"You do it first." His voice is too serene, it makes me stare at the phone in perplexity for a moment.
"Okay." I take in some air, and when I exhale, I pronounce cautiously, almost delicately, "Jae.. Ridge.. Ham."
"Thank you.. Sage Heart."
