cheerleader-ethan and emma

chapter forty

emma's pov:

i strode into CVS with ethan by my side.

after the news, he has been guarding me like a dog all day. to be honest, i was getting kind of sick of breathing the same air as ethan, no matter how much i love him.

"hey e, would you mind grabbing me my shampoo?" i said in hopes of getting some personal space.

"yeah sure em! i'll be back in one sec." he said as he jogged off to go grab it for me.

i sighed and walked down a random isle, looking at things i certainly didn't need.

nausea continued to hit me in waves, so i steadied myself by placing my hand on a shelf and swallowing.

holy shit. my dad is going to kill me.

my mind was racing as i reached the end of the isle. i noticed something that made my feet grow cold.

it was my dad, looming at the end of the isle. he held a picture of me in his hand and a knife in the other. he charged towards me and was a foot away until a voice rang out, snapping me out of my daze.

"hey emma?" ethan called as he wove through the isles.

"are you okay em?" he said once more, concern in his tone.

i swallowed for the umpteenth time and forced out a yes despite my mind screaming no.

"got your shampoo." he mumbled.

"thanks." i said weakly.

i grabbed his hand for support and walked to the checkout.

my hand was clammy and i could feel bile creeping up my throat, burning my esophagus.

we climbed into the car after paying for the miscellaneous items and made our way home.

my hot forehead rested against the cool glass, trying to calm down.

inhale

exhale

i forced myself to listen to ethan's breathing and try to match it to my own.

inhale

exhale

eventually my heavy lids closed, and i succumbed to sleep.

i woke up a few minutes later to ethan's thumb gliding across my cheek, coaxing me awake.

"let's go inside, okay em?" he whispered.

i nodded and stepped, more like wobbled out of the car. i was completely drained from the news, hell, i was drained from everything.

ethan's arm was locked around my waist as he led me inside my home. it was barren. my parents were off at work and hannah's siblings were at friend's houses.

he helped me up the stairs and sat down with me on my bed, never releasing his comforting grip on my hips.

he simply sat with me for a few moments and held me.

and then i felt it.

the all too familiar chill flowing through my room and cooling my skin.

my window was open.

the white curtains ruffled with the wind and i shuddered.

that was not open when we left.

"e." i whispered weakly, afraid to speak any louder.

"yes emma?" he whispered back, turning his beautiful head to face me as his jaw clenched with worry.

i raised a shaky hand and pointed to the open window. he nodded and padded over to shut it.

i suddenly felt very alone, despite the fact that he was five feet away from me.

"come back." i croaked, my tone needy.

great. he probably thinks i'm attached to him or some shit. how embarrassing.

"comin em." he mumbled after locking the window and checking the rest.

once he was back by me, i scooted closer to him and swung my petite legs over the side of his lap.

"my dad, he um. d'you think he's going to kill me?" i whispered into the shell of his ear.

his breathing hitched and he faced me.

"you're safe em. you've got to trust me, okay? it's not like last time. i'm not going to leave you." he said quietly, rubbing my thighs softly for some reassurance.

i whimpered childishly and snuggled into his chest. hopefully he isn't annoyed with me. i feel like such a burden.

"okay. sorry." i mumbled as i held onto him.

"what're you sorry bout?" he questioned, his eyebrows furrowing.

i hesitated to respond and even considered lying. but he knew me too well.

"i just..... i've caused everyone so many problems. maybe if my dad.. did get me... it would be better for everyone." i said lamely. i believed my own words fueled by self hatred and years of abuse. why wouldn't he believe them too? hell, he was probably just dating me out of sympathy. did he even love me? how could i be sure? my own parents didn't even love me.

once these thoughts started circulating in my brain, i knew i was going down a dark road. i have not thought like this in a few years, but suddenly the truth hit me again like a semi-truck.

"emma... you-you're everything to me. fuck... um. how do i say this?" ethan mumbled to me, shifting on the bed.

i felt tears pool in my eyes and shook my head, knowing i was emotionally draining to those around me. as my father said, i'm a waste of space.

"fuck okay. promise you won't cry anymore?" ethan said suddenly, his voice quiet.

i nodded and wiped away the stupid tears before he could see them.

he lifted me off of his lap easily and stood up so he was in front of me.

this is it. he's going to break up with me. i'm too much. i'm too-

"emma i love you. i know that's not much, but... i-fuckin love you with everything inside of me. i-i could never imagine life without you. because- well because i don't think i would even be able to live or.. or exist without you here. i know this is cheesy and probably too much but... don't even think for a second that you would be better off gone. who's going to keep me in line then huh? gray can't bear that weight all alone! and who's going to be the cheerleading captain? certainly not just hannah, she would die under the pressure." he rambled while smiling, trying to ease the tension a little.

i opened my mouth to speak as tears streamed down my face.

"jesus fuck emma. i don't know why you would say that about yourself. and i know me loving you won't make you love yourself... but i'm hoping... that maybe me giving you love will show you just how much you deserve from yourself." he continued, pacing back and forth frantically and patting his pockets.

"where the fuck is it?" he whispered as he emptied the pockets of his sweats.

"thank you... i love you too." i whispered and forced myself of the bed. i kissed him softly and pulled away, embarrassed at my self-loathing.

we stood there for a minute. our foreheads were resting together and my nose grazed his. our heavy breathing intertwined and i could feel his tears hit my face.

"sorry to break up the moment, but i need to speak with my daughter." my dad said as he emerged from my closet, a gun in hand.

a/n: i'm so sorry this is late!! thank you to everyone who had read this story. sadly the next chapter is the last 🥺.

don't worry! i'm pretty positive i will be writing a sequel for this story after my next book is complete!

love you all!