it brings this kind of love, ⁿᵃ ʲᵃᵉᵐⁱⁿ

piece no. 27

ㅡ carmia

I stared at the stage as I remembered the very first time I watch mom play the piano on that exact stage.

It was majestic.

It was like watching a queen heal the people just by playing that one piano.

When I first heard the sound of the piano when I was 4, I was so happy to hear a sound that can be my future.

The sound that my mom loved till her death.

The sound that Jaemin hated because it kept me away from him.

The sound my brother loves to listen to.

The sound my dad loved hearing my mother play.

The sound that changed my life.

I never stopped playing that instrument.

I never stopped listening to it.

I never forget the sound of each key I press.

The sound that I also make.

But no matter how lovable that sound it, it's painful as well.

Which is why they say, if there's love.. there will always be hate and pain as well.

Playing the piano has been my dream for a long time, to continue my mother's history even though she didn't ask me to.

I lived my whole life playing that one instrument I love so much.

I shut people out just to be alone with the piano, to be alone with my feelings that I kept hidden.

I kept my feelings hidden to everyone to not burden them with my feelings, to not make them feel sympathy for me and my music.

The real reason I play the piano?

There's none.

I just love playing it.

How it feels when I press my fingers against the keys and it makes that sound.

How it moves people to another different level of beauty and music.

I love everything about the piano but I also hated it as well.

It kept me away from everyone.

It made me trap my feelings inside a cage and only release them through the piano.

It made me bad at using words at the worst scenarios.

It made me scared of what will happen after my own mother's death.

"In order to be happy, you just let the future you're thinking go."

That's what my mother says to me everytime I get scared.