it brings this kind of love, ⁿᵃ ʲᵃᵉᵐⁱⁿ

piece no. 19

ㅡ carmia

I wake up in a hospital waiting area. I stand up and looked at a glass window where my mom is getting surgery.

I start shaking.

I looked at my side and saw the guy from the party. He starts walking away and I start to chase him but he's so far.

I stopped when he disappeared and looked behind me, seeing myself on the hospital bed.

My face, my lips.. they're so pale. A doctor then covered my body like I'm already dead.

"Carmia!!" There I saw Taeyong and Jaemin crying like crazy, shouting and collapsing because of me.

"It's because of you.."

"It's because of you why they're like this.."

Stop it.... stop it please...

I start to hear the minor sound of the piano.

"It's because of yourself why you're dead and why they're like this."

Stop.. stop.. stop..

"It's your fault!!"

"STOP!" I woke up in my room, sweating and crying. I looked at my hands, and realized that I was breathing heavily.

I stand up and exit my room. I went to the living room and saw the piano there and the gifts that I haven't opened yet from my birthday.

I then went to the kitchen, making myself toast as the dream from earlier kept on revolving around my head.

I just ended up staring at the tea I made. I shut my eyes and try to forget about it but to my avail, I couldn't.

My eyes landed on the bouquet in the vase that guy gave me. I smiled and watered it.

I heard someone on the door knock and I opened it. I saw Jaemin smiling at me. I pouted and let him in.

"What do you want?" I asked, crossing my arms as he closed the door.

"First of all, I'm sorry that I wasn't able to go to your birthday.." He said but I didn't answer him, making him sigh.

"I knew you would be like this. I brought you cheesecake!" He showed me a box and my face lit up. I then gently grabbed the box from him and placed it on the table.

I look at him, frowning a bit but then smiled.

"Come help me eat it then." I said then he smiled and walked beside me, opening the box.

He gave me a slice on a plate as we both sit down and I enjoy mine.

"Why weren't you able to come?" I asked then he sighed.

"I had a schedule abroad and I just came back like around 3 am?" He said then I nodded.

Is that a lie or a truth? I can't tell.

"Taeyong hyung showed a picture of you yesterday. You were absolutely stunning. I wish, I was really there to witness it." He laughed then I blushed, looking away.

A picture of Jaemin crying from my dream just popped into my head, making me quiet again.

"What's wrong?" He asked me, realizing that I immediately became quiet.

"It's just.. I had a dream where I died.. you and Taeyong are just crying, shouting and even collapsing. A voice kept on telling me that it's my fault.

Is it really my fault?" I said, looking at him, worried or scared to hear him say yes.

Instead, he just stand up from his sit and pulled me up. He then hugged me, caressing my hair.

"No, it's not.. it's not your fault.. neither of these is your fault.." He said as I just nodded and bury my face into his chest.

He really does bring comfort. I guess, this is something that Jaemin has and Jeno doesn't.

Yes, he also brings comfort but in Jaemin's arms, I feel so much more comfortable and safer. I feel like this is the place where I've been looking for.

But with these feelings, who do I really love? Who will I really choose?

Who will it really be?

Jaemin looked at my eyes once again, we stayed like that for a minute until he connected his lips with mine.

These lips..

Does he really have a schedule on my birthday? Or was he just making that up to make me believe that boy isn't him?

I want to know, I need to know.

I closed my eyes, letting myself drown in his lips. He pulled me even closer to him, our bodies touching.

He broke it and intertwined our foreheads, smiling softly at each other.

"Looks like I'm a step closer to you now." He said, can't help to make me chuckle and blush.

"I guess, you are." I kissed him again and he carried me bridal style, making me shriek a bit. He laughed and took me to my bedroom.

He placed me on the bed, lying down beside me.

"I feel like this is deja vu." I said then he nodded.

"Actually, it is." He said, wrapping his arms around my waist and I smiled, just staying in his arms.

Yes, I may be confused but if this keeps up then maybe the answer is clear.

ㅡ jaemin

I move her bangs out of her beautiful eyes.

"You know, before you got into an accident.. this actually did happen.." I said, remembering what she kept on saying that day.

"Don't push me away, please!"

"You had a dream. You said everything was disappearing and I was pushing you away. You woke up crying and breathing heavily.

You then begged me to never push you away from my life. I keep telling you that I will stay by your side and never leave.

You were scared, you were shaking.. I was worried so, I just lie down beside you.. just like now." I said then she was quiet.

She looked at me and I saw tears.

"Until now.. forget the memories or not.. I am scared.." She said then I caressed her head.

"It's okay.. it's okay.." I kissed her forehead and held her hand.

"I love you."

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