Gender Confusion #GC

| Chapter XIX |

After Clark got me all dressed up, she went to get ready herself. I find myself gazing into the mirror of the room and wondering if my reflection is true.

All my life I haven't been happy with myself. People never accepted me with the way I was so how could I accept myself?

But now, looking in the mirror at this young beautiful girl in front of me with waist-length scarlet hair and piercing green eyes, I couldn't lie and say I'm fully content.

It is a little sad that people judge looks as a factor in getting to know someone. I don't want people to approach me for my looks; I don't want people to notice me for my looks.

I want to be noticed for me.

Just me.

'Oh, that's Charlie Davidson, the freshman.' Not, 'oh that's that hot freshman chick.'

I guess it's another reason why I thank Alex. Even though he's trying to make my life a living hell, at least he took the spotlight away. Alex was good with the spotlight, he's always been because he's used to it.

I'm not.

The attention was starting to get to me, I've been alone and unnoticed all my life so when I had the opportunity given to me, I nearly lost myself completely. The attention was a smokescreen for false happiness. When I was noticed in Central West, I almost believed it was exactly what I wanted.

To be noticed.

But now I see I was wrong. I was so wrong.

I didn't want to be noticed.

I didn't want to be the center of attention. That wasn't me, those things used to terrify me, so who was I kidding? Thinking I could actually ignore the rumors and attention. Hayden was right, if a few good people understood me, what more could I want?

All I want is to be accepted for once in my life.

Alex. Hayden. Clark. Jack. Hunter. And even Daniel. They all accept me.

Not for my looks.

But for me.

I didn't want to lose that.

Clark applied a light coat of make-up on my face which I appreciated; I wasn't a big fan of make-up. I'm wearing one of the dresses I bought the time I went all-out-for-change with Clark. I was glad I did that or I wouldn't have anything to wear right now.

It's a strapless white dress with lace on the lining above my breasts, it reaches above my knees and isn't too much; it's perfect.

Clark finally finishes up, slipping her heels on before she flashes me a cheeky grin. "Let's go get em'."

"Get who?" Is my response, furrowing my brows.

Clark runs a hand down her face in exasperation before pushing me out, chuckling. "Let's just go. This is gonna be interesting."

We walk down the stairs as Clark advises me how to act when approached at the party, but I'm not listening, I'm looking ahead of me.

The boys are waiting at the end of the staircase for us but Alex is missing--not that anyone here even classifies him as a boy.

Hayden is dressed in a dark blue fitting shirt, his long sleeves rolled up his arms, his leg crossed over the other as he stood in his dark-washed jeans. His gaze meets mine, he's so much taller than others, and I'm a little transfixed by it.

Why is he always staring at me like that?

Why are you always staring back like a that--a voice in my head mocks? I scowl internally before tearing my gaze away quickly.