Gender Confusion #GC

| Zero |

The best part of everything is leaving.

A party, a bad relationship, and some might even say life for the one after. Leaving is the most refreshing.

To me, the best part of High school was leaving. This might sound cliché, but yes I was that girl. That fat, anti-social, nerdy girl that barely had any friends and who was constantly bullied.

The difference was— I had a gorgeous boyfriend along with it all.

I know. Ugly fat plain ol' me had a boyfriend who literally looked like he jumped out of a Calvin Klein magazine?

Why, you might ask, well let me tell you. It all started when Alex Higgins moved into my neighborhood. He might have seemed like the perfect boy-next-door but in truth, he had big problems of his own.

I remember looking across from my window to see him crying, we were 11 then, and he looked at me, really looked at me. Fat ugly 11 years old me and walked over to the window pane, waved shyly, before shutting his curtains.

I don't remember exactly what 11 years old me was thinking, but I was brave enough to sit next to him during lunch the next day.

Back then, Alex was a scrawny kid, he still kind of was, but looks didn't matter when we were kids, it was all about who had the loudest most obnoxious voice to be heard.

But the both of us liked the quiet, so we ate our lunches in silence.

When fifth grade came around, we were in the same class. Alex smiled at me, called my name and took a seat beside me. We became close ever since then. He would tell me everything and I would listen. He would tell me about his parents' divorce and his father's new family and I would be there for him.

By the time we were in eighth grade, Alex was popular, very popular. So popular he would tell me he had no time to talk to me and sit beside me at lunch, and I was okay with that.

We would still walk home together and we would talk through the distance of our windows right across from each other.

He was all I had back then.

He was my only friend.

The first day of high school the name Alex Higgins was known by everyone. Puberty had done Alex well. He was still tall and a little thin, but his face, no one could deny he had the most gorgeous face. It was almost pretty.

He had girls fawning over him and the guys envied it. Eventually, it was like he was moving further away from me. I was still the same me. Fat and ugly with a few pimples here and there—and let's not forget my horrid fringe and glasses.

Just thinking about it still makes me shudder.

I would sometimes wait beside my window for him, just so I didn't feel so alone, but it was either closed or he wasn't home.

By the end of freshman year, just when I thought we were distant as ever, I heard silent cries coming from outside my window. I got up to check only to see Alex sitting at the edge of his bed crying.

He turned his head to catch me looking and I hid behind the wall quickly.

But not quick enough, I remember. He had already seen me.

I heard Alex call me over and gingerly, I peeked back at him. He was looking at me again, just like he did when we were 11, he was not just looking, but really looking; as if he saw something in me. It was something he looked like he needed.

Alex waved, just like before, and this time I waved back.

"Can I come over?" He asked.

I remember looking at him funny. Why would he want to come over, I thought?