Goodbye Lilah Doute

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Keeping her hands on the wheel, Phobia drove ahead, keeping her gaze locked onto the road as she tried her best not to hit anyone. Of course, this was merely for Harleen's sake. If she were alone, Phobia would have probably kept score. Glancing at Harleen who sat shaking in the passenger side, clinging to Phobia's mask for dear life, Phobia couldn't help but smirk. All that Lilah had to do was get her to the edge of the city. She had already told Harleen to wait until either he city burns or Batman saves the day, either option was likely to happen at this rate. 

The Fear Gas that surrounded her seemed to seep into her pores, making her dizzy. Jonathan had given her a cure, but she supposed that shed had simply glossed over the fact that prolonged exposure would surely soon  throw her into a panic like the rest of Gotham. That was something she didn't miss from her and Jonathan's early days together. Reaching the edge of Gotham city, Lilah stopped the car, pulling the keys from the ignition and passing them to Harleen who stared at her in confusion. 

"You're not coming?"Harleen asked. Lilah shook her head, trying her best to keep the dizziness and nauseous feelings at bay. 

"Don't get out of the car, climb over the handbrake when I get out. Then all you need to do is drive. Got it?" She asked as the blonde nodded. 

"Why are ya doing this?" Harleen then asked, taking Lilah by surprise. 

"Because... you were the only person who was nice to me." Her words came out in  an embarrassed whisper, but she could see Harleen's smile from the corner of her eye as she removed Phobia's mask. There was a time, when Lilah believed she and Harleen could be friends. It was foolish, but it was true. She knew once she got out of the car, she would no longer be Lilah Doute, she would be Phobia, forever and always. That was something that scared the shit out of her. But, with all the dead bodies that surrounded her, Lilah's name on their tombstones as a cause of death, she closed her eyes and took a breath, before she too her mask and exited the car. 

The Fear Gas greeted her like an old friend and she allowed to mask to drop to the ground as Harleen sped off. She needed to be like Jonathan... like Scarecrow. Whatever was in Dr. Crane's new dosage, it had created Scarecrow and she was sure if she stood within the cloud of white smoke, it would give her than final push towards who she was supposed to be now.  Then everything went black. 

When she opened her eyes, she was standing in a dark hallway, although straining to see, she could just make out the door at the opposite end. 

What in the hell is going on? 

Lilah began to walk, seeing no other option out of whatever Fear Gas induced hallucination she was having. Reaching the door, she didn't hesitate to open it and as she moved into the next room, she could feel the pitch black room warping around her, until she was back at Christian's house, in his living room and sitting in his regular armchair was Christian Sawyer, her closest friend. Grinning widely, Lilah took a step towards him and that was when she realized that she had a knife in her hand. Looking down at the knife, she heard the voice that Jonathan had once killed return. 

Kill him, Lilah. Kill him and become who you're supposed to be. 

Lilah was frozen, her gaze locked onto Christian who was reading a book. He had sacrificed everything for her. He allowed Scarecrow to kill him for her. 

You are not that girl anymore. You are Phobia, now show us what Scarecrow's favorite toy can do. 

As she lifted her hand to examine the knife, she allowed the tears she had been holding back for so long to spill over. This was the last step. She had to kill the people she loved the most in order to become a true monster. 

"Christian?" She whispered, watching as he lifted his head. 

"Oh, hey Lilah? What's with that face? Did someone hurt you?" He asked seriously, getting to his feet and moving towards her. "You know I'd never let anyone hurt you, right?" Lilah stared at him, unblinking. Christian was dead, she watched him die. This, whatever this was, it wasn't Christian. With one quick, swift movement, Lilah ran the blade across his throat, watching as Christian grabbed his throat and fell to his knees, his eyes asking her a single question: 

Why? 

But Lilah said and did nothing, watching him choke to death on his own blood. She had no more tears left to shed and as she moved through the rooms to come, each one changing to make a different setting she knew well. One by one she slayed those she loved: Jim Gordon, Tommy Elliott, Her mother and her father, Her Aunt Susan, Hell, even Carmine Falcone, although she felt pleasure in that, Edward Nigma, Floyd Lawton, Harleen Quinzel, Selina Kyle.

Walking into the next room, her clothes damp with blood and her knife bloody. She felt nothing, in fact, she was smiling. This was it, something in her heart told her, this was the last test. As the room changed once more, she found herself back in her old bedroom and sitting sided by side, reading a book together was Mercious and Zoe. Lilah froze, the tears spilling without permission as she watched her brother read to Zoe. As she took a step towards them, Mercious looked up at her with a smile before closing the book. 

"About time you showed up." He smiled, "Look at you, Lilah. Do you even have a soul anymore?" Lilah knew this was fake, but she fell to her knees and found herself staring straight through him almost. 

"No. Not the only people I love more than myself." She muttered, her words directed at the Scarecrow that wasn't present in this inner hell. "You can't do that!" She yelled, getting to her feet and spinning around the room as though somehow, wherever he was, he could hear her. "You have destroyed everything. I have done things you could never imagine! I close my eyes and I see the faces of everyone I have lost because of you!" 

"Mommy? Who are you talking to?" Zoe's voice pulled her back into the room and she turned to face the little girl that was standing before her, looking up at her with Floyd's eyes. "Have you ever loved someone so much, that no matter what they do to you, you take it?" The words were foreign in Zoe's mouth, but she knew what she was talking about: Scarecrow.

"Yes." 

"Then why can't you do this, Li?" Mercious asked. "You're almost there. Why stop now?" Lilah stared at them. For the first time, her smart mouth had nothing to say. This was the last step. Kill Zoe and Mercious and then she would be who she was supposed to be. Taking a breath, she held the knife tightly. Mercious was dead because of her and Zoe was parentless all because of her. She wasn't killing them for her. She was doing it for Zoe in the end. Once she did this, Zoe would never have to know or hear from her again. She would be dead and Susan's heart and ultimately, Zoe would be safe. Closing her eyes, she couldn't watch what she was about to do, but screams that she heard from her little girl would haunt her until her dying breath. 

When Phobia opened her eyes, she was back in Gotham, the chaos ringing in her ears and calming the beast within her. Putting the mask on her face with a grin, she started to walk back into Gotham. It was time to meet up with Scarecrow. 

A/N: Hey, so it's been awhile. If anyone still cares about this story than enjoy. I am back to finish what I started once and for all. With maybe some one shots at the end. 


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