Expectations

Chapter 22

"You do know if Chris finds out you're here without Milo you're a dead man, right?" I say, shutting my front door behind us and hanging up my keys on the rack.

"Eh." Alex shrugs nonchalantly. "What's he going to do? Fire me?" he jokes, toeing off his shoes and setting them next to the door.

No, but he may fire me.

He saunters over to my couch, plopping down and making himself at home. Turning on my TV, he looks over at me expectantly. "Friends?"

"Sure. While you find the episode we're on I'm going to change into my PJ's," I inform him, already walking to my room.

When I turned around to pick him up at the back of the hotel, he had changed into some basketball shorts and a t-shirt, what he normally wears to bed.

I can't believe I turned around and brought him back here. If Chris finds out I'm dead. But somehow I couldn't say no to Alex.

And truth is, I hate being alone. I really hate the feeling. I think because I grew up so close with my dad and the boys I'm so used to always having someone around. I'm used to being around people twenty four seven and being on the go.

Honestly, I'm kind of glad Alex is staying with me tonight so I won't be alone. I think being alone in my own house would really hit me hard and give me a hollow, leaden feeling. Sure, this place is my home and I love it, but it wouldn't fully feel like home without the guys or someone here with me.

I think my fear and uneasy feeling of being alone stemmed during my parents divorce and the move to Nashville.

When we moved to Nashville, my dad, Joe, and Zack got a moving truck and loaded most of our stuff in it. They drove down here a couple days ahead of me and the rest of the boys to set up. I stayed behind because someone had to drive the van down here, and my dad didn't trust the other boys to drive it. We didn't go down at the same time because Andy and Travis had to pack up the rest of their things and they wanted to tell their families goodbye.

During those few days before moving, my mom refused to talk to us. She didn't want to be around while we packed up and left. She decided to leave and stay with my aunt instead of spending my last few days in Ohio with me. I understand it was hard on her and that she didn't want to see or be around my dad, but she didn't even want to look at me or Joe either. She didn't even tell us goodbye.

That hurt the most.

I know she was angry about us leaving, but she could have come with us. She should have come with us. Instead, she just asked for a divorce and didn't even care about what we wanted or cared to hear us out.

The last few days I was in Ohio, in my childhood home, I was alone. The silence was deafening and everything felt empty. Sure, a lot of our stuff was packed and sent to Nashville, making the house physically empty, but my chest felt emptier. For the first time in my life I felt... alone.