It's Up To You

Chapter 42

Elvis stayed on the west coast while I returned to Graceland after the wedding. The house was once again empty and I was left to my own devices. I occupied myself by taking karate, going walking daily and practicing baking.

...and failing at baking.

But no matter how many flat cakes I popped out of the oven or how high my karate kick got, I always felt something was missing. Elvis had me in his own world and bubble. Everyone around me was extremely nice and caring, but they weren't friends of my own. Elvis was the root of all things in my life, I wanted something different.

In order to move forward, I needed closure from the past. So I invited Ricky over to Graceland on a day where Oscar and everyone else would have the day off. Although I didn't intend for anything in particular to happen, I made sure the house was neat for him.

I used to do the same for Elvis, but now there was no point in making things look good for him. I no longer went out of my way to put on the exotic lingerie that would be flown in from other parts of the world. No more French lace that would show my silhouette or satin that would wrinkle from a simple touch. The magic that filled our the honeymoon period had long disappeared, now Elvis and I were just husband and wife living in an oversized house.

On that summer day, the doorbell rang throughout the house. I began walking towards the foyer, but then quickly opened a window in the living room to let in the fresh air. With a deep breath I smooth the fabric of my pastel sheath dress that was perfectly tailored with Presley money.

Once I found myself standing in front of the front door, I pressed my hand to the cool wood as I considered exactly what I was getting myself into. My white gloves clutched the delegate pearls that hung elegantly on my neck.

After thinking for a moment, I quickly opened the door.

Ricky's back was turned to me. He turned around, his blue eyes setting on me. A smile spread on his face, but you could tell he was uneasy. His hand was tucked under his blazer and pushed into the pocket of his slacks. He immediately pulled it out and rested his hands at his sides, lifting his head up and straightening his shoulders.

"Hello." He said, almost out of breath. "Oh, you're dressed formally too." Ricky observed as his eyes scaled my dress. "I didn't know if I should've worn a suit or not. You know— fellas today aren't really going over the top."

"It's fine." I smiled, then reached out my hand and adjusted Ricky's thin tie. His lips parted as he watched my gloves smooth over the fabric of it. "This look suits you. No matter what's in style, this'll look good on you."

"You always knew what to say." Ricky grinned. Now, we stood there with a silence between us. We were both awkward and didn't know exactly what to say to each other.

"Won't you come in?" I asked of him. "I have some cool ginger ale."

"I thought you'd never ask." Ricky said with an awkward nod. Both of us turned and stepped inside of the house. Ricky walked a few feet behind me, cautious about not overstepping his bounds. After all, I was a married woman now.

He looked around in awe, taking in all that the house had to offer. "Gosh."

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" I smiled as we walked into the living room. Ricky cleared his throat as he sat down. I began to walk to the couch across, but instead I took a seat directly next to Ricky. He tensely turned toward me, in the process moving his body farther away from me on the couch. I sat politely with my legs together and my feet tilted to the side. My hands were folded in my lap.

Still, silence covered the room like the layer of dust that covered our relationship.

"So, uh, I bought a house." Ricky announced with risen eyebrows. A new house. That somehow felt strange to me. Ricky had always lived with his family even when he was well over the age to move out.

"I'm surprised!" I smiled. "But I'm happy for you."

I was happy.

Although I took Ricky buying a new house as a way of him moving from his past— and I was apart of that house.

"Yeah, it's finally something I can call my own." Ricky answered. He could never call me his own. "One day, maybe, I'll raise a family in it."

"That's beautiful." I smiled, holding back the tears I wanted to cry out. "Eh, is it roomy for you?"

"Way roomy." Ricky extended out his hands in front of him. "But also, very empty. You know?"

"Of course." I nodded. I wasn't sure exactly what type of "empty" he meant, but I was definitely feeling it.

Ricky looked down at his lap as we sat there, the grandfather clock in the room ticked silently.

"I know you're probably wondering exactly why I invited you here today." I finally spoke up. "I just wanted to settle things."

Ricky's eyes concentrated on me. You could tell he didn't know exactly what to expect, and surprisingly enough, neither did I.

"Elvis and I, of course, are married now. I'm sure you've read all about it. But like many new brides, I've found myself reminiscing about the past. Or— maybe not reminiscing, but remembering." I corrected myself awkwardly. Ricky quietly nodded, his lips in a pout as he looked at me.

"Well, I definitely reminisce." Ricky turned his body more toward me. "But I know I can't do much about it now."

Ricky's words caused a rush of feelings and emotions to surge all throughout me. I could tell deep down he felt exactly as I, but the fear of offending him held me back from expressing myself.

"And why is that?" I bravely asked, almost in a whisper. Ricky pierced his lips together, then let out an exhale.

"Lauren, we have gone in circles for years. You doing this... you choosing this." Ricky looked around the room. "Was best for you. I can't blame you. But having me stringing along behind while knowing the feelings I have for you is gonna kill me, Lauren, I just know it will."

"How can love ever kill?" My eyes began to water. "Ricky, I love you."

"And yet, you love him." For the first time ever, Ricky raised his voice at me.  I felt a lump forming my throat as I tried to find my words.

"Ricky, I'm so alone." I poured out. "He's never around and all I can think about is you. To hell with sex and fame and money. I just want to be with you."

"You just got married Lauren. How could we ever be together?" Ricky asked as he rested his arm on the back of the couch. "I don't know what's going on with you, but I've got to move on with my life. You took a step for your future, now I've got to take mine."

I began inching toward Ricky on the couch and without thinking he immediately placed his hand on my thigh to block me from coming any further. Sitting there, our faces were inches from each other. His hand stayed exactly where he placed in on my thigh. 

My fingers shook as I lifted my hands to his neck, slowly gliding them along his collar. Then, I wrapped an arm around his neck while swiping the fingers of my other hand over his adam's apple. Ricky's hand slowly moved up my thigh and rested on my hip. I crossed one leg over the other so that my legs would be touching more of his. We slowly leaned into each other, until finally, Ricky kissed my lips.

With both arms wrapped around his neck, Ricky's hands moved to my waist as he kissed me. I wondered if I should tell him to leave or ask him to join me upstairs. I prayed that no one would come home.

Still, we sat there devouring each other. Neither of us could get enough. I laid down on the couch as Ricky sat there taking off his blazer.

"Take me, Ricky." I exhaled.