It's Up To You

Chapter 20

"Will you give that back to me?" I asked as I reached for the vibrator in Ricky's hand.

He pulled it back, the furrowed his eyebrows as he studied it in his hands. While chewing his gum, he twisted the bottom and switching it on. It began buzzing. "Yeah, all that's necessary for a neck massager."

"Alright, alright." I stepped toward him, now we were standing inches away from each other. Ricky looked down at me with ease. His face was rested, he didn't care how close I stood to him. I no longer made him nervous, I was no longer the apple of his eye.

I wanted that Ricky back in that moment.

"I'll admit it." I said softly, taking the vibrator out of his hand. Then, I switched it off. Taking the long object, I placed it on his chest and began tracing the center line of his button up shirt. "Sometimes, I used this to please myself."

"At least you're not a liar." Ricky said in his deep, husky voice.

"But its only because you were away." Once I got to his waistline, I raced the vibrator back and forth sideways along his belt. "What was a girl to do when you were so far?"

"Do you still talk with Elvis?" Ricky asked me bluntly. My eyes shot up at him. "Damn it, you do, don't you?"

Finally, some emotion from him. I got a glimmer of hope—

"Well what a dope you are, he's been with some new chick in Germany." Ricky informed me. For a moment, my heart broke. I felt a lump in my throat trying to stop myself from crying. But then, I remembered the source. This was Ricky, he probably was still hurt by me not coming on tour with him. This tough guy act had to all be a facade, deep down he was still feeling everything.

Right?

"What are you talking about." I rolled my eyes, then turned towards my vanity to drop my vibrator back in it's designated drawer.

"When we stopped in Germany, and word on the street is he's seeing some Yankee girl over there." Ricky said with an unconcerned tone.

"And how would you know that? People make up stories all the time." I began to back away from him.

"Come on, Lauren, who would be making up stories? You think I care enough about Elvis to make up stories?" Ricky rose his eyebrows and placed his hands on his chest.

"Well..." I backed up and sat down on my bed. "You never liked Elvis. You hated him because he had me."

"Hated being the operative word, Lauren." Ricky placed his hands in his pockets with a clenched jaw. "I hated him because I loved you."

Loved. Suddenly I felt a pain in my heart.

"That tour may have been the best thing to ever happen to me. I saw things and got exposed to new ideas." Ricky went on, I hoped desperately for him to stop. But he kept on talking. "What I felt was a little crush. Now I know better."

What he said hurt so much, I could've even answer it. I pretended as if it was never said. "Maybe she's just a little thing he's using over there."

"I don't know, he met her parents and everything. Her dad's in the army so he's stationed there as well." Ricky shrugged. Tears began filling my eyes, I looked up at him. "It hurts when the one you care about goes with someone else, doesn't it?"

"It does." I found the strength to answer back, then wiped away a tear. "But he still writes to me."

"He's been seen with German actresses too... Margit Buergin and Vera Tschechowa..." Ricky went on. "He sees other girls too. But this girl is different."

"If my parents were alive, I'm sure Elvis would've loved to meet them." I shifted my body while sitting there to slightly turn away from Ricky.

"Oh yeah? When did he try and meet us?" Ricky pointed out. Suddenly, I was angry. He didn't have the right to put a damper on things. He didn't understand Elvis and I anyway. We were beyond him.

"He hates you!" I bursted out. "Why would he ever want to meet you? You're his rival enemy!"

"But Ozzie and Harriet aren't." Ricky rose his eyebrows. Tears were streaming down my face.

I stood up from the bed and stood there with my fists at my side. "Why'd you come in here, to rub it in my face you're cultured now? That you've been around the world and with however many girls you pleased? I got the message, Ricky. I saw the photographs. I listened to the records. I saw the behind the scenes photos to that film you've been making. I get it!"

"This wasn't at all about us, Lauren. I told you, I'm through with that." Ricky lifted his hand. "If anyone is holding onto the past, it's you."

"And what makes you say that!?" I stepped toward him.

"Look at you? In that forsaken dress with jewelry showing off your mammaries." He lifted his finger to the broach pinned between my breasts. "And your bottom showing off so much, you could see your curves from down the street!"

"So what? I can wear what I want, it's my clothing I choose it!" I defensively spat back, pretending as if I didn't pick out this outfit just for him.

"Sure you do, Lauren." Ricky clenched his jaw. Then, placing both hands on my shoulders, he leaned down and slowly kissed me. The kiss was electric, I shut my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck. We stood there, slowly kissing for who knows how long. The room door was open, anyone could've walked in, but we didn't care. It was only us.

Ricky slowly pulled away, his hands now at my waist. His blue eyes looked down at my as he bit his lips. "Now I know I'm over you."

"Why is that?" I asked, my eyes bloodshot from the crying earlier.

"I felt nothing." Ricky shattered my perspective with three words. Was he lying? Did he really feel that way? I didn't know.

Ricky took his sweet time exiting my room, then he turned and went down the hall. Frustrated, I stomped toward the door and slammed it. With my hands balled in fists, I leaned against the door and sank to the floor.