Somebody To Call Mine (Completed)

KABANATA LIV

Kabanata LIV: I'm back!

I would lie if I say I'm okay, but nonetheless I lie for the sake of having my alone time. They wouldn't budge if I didn't lie but I know deep in their hearts they know what I feel. Hindi naman mahirap malaman kung ano ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.

I've been putting up a strong front. I don't want them to worry about me. Even deep inside I've felt the worst kind of pain. The pain of seeing your beloved almost lifeless and you couldn't do anything. 

Yes, he's alive but the fear of losing him is just lurking around the corner. Any moment, he can go and I almost catch my breath by the mere thought. Natatakot ako. Sobrang takot na tako na ako.

Nothing can compare to the kind of emotional stir I'm feeling right now. I'm literally walking around thin egg shells and my heart fret that doomsday will come.

Hindi naging madali ang mga susunod na mga araw. Para kong nauupos na kandila sa paghihintay. Pilit kong pinatatag ang sarili ko para sa mga taong mahal ko. Pero minsan naiisip ko na ring sumuko.

Sumuko kasi hindi ko na kaya.

Sumuko kasi nawawalan na kong pag-asa.

 Sumuko kasi yung taong pinagkukuhanan ko ng lakas ay halos mawala na rin sa buhay ko.

But maybe I was destined to be a fighter all my life. I was born to work my way through life. Na hindi magiging madali ang lahat para sakin. I have to work hard for everything.

Halos kapusin ako ng hininga. Para na kong ninanakawan ng sariling buhay sa imaheng nakikita ko ngayon. Marahas kong pinunasan ang mukha ko. Halos hindi ko na makita ng mga mata ko ang nasa likod ng salamin.

I was sobbing so hard, so painful and out of breath. It was his 5th day and my 3rd time to see him in this state but I'm not yet accustom with the throbbing pain that I feel every time.  

"K-Ken, Please wake up. I-I need you." I whispered through the window glass. I can't even touch him and I feel so pathetic for that. I unconsciously held on to my tummy.

He suffered multiple gunshot wounds. Sa sobrang dami ay tinamaan nito ang bituka niya. It was a critical case. Several months ago, naoperahan si Ken for his appendix as a result of the stabbing incident and now his intestines are cut-off.

For me, I was discharged 3 days after I was admitted. Binilinan na lang ako ng mga doctor na mag-ingat at ipagpatuloy ang mga regular check-up schedules ko to make sure that my little angel is doing well.

I thanked God that after all the bad news,  at least hindi na sumasabay ang pagbubuntis ko dahil kung pati yun ay sasabay hindi ko na alam kung paano pa ko mabubuhay.

Ilan oras din ako nanatili sa ganung posisyon hanggang sa dumating si Tita at Tito, Ken's parents, na may dalang mga pagkain.

Tito Leo gave me a nod before looking through the window glass. Kitang-kita ang pag-aaalala sa mukha niya habang nakatingin kay Ken. Hindi man maganda ang relasyon nilang mag-ama alam kong mahal nila ang isa't-isa and it pained me to see them suffer because of the mishap that I caused.

Naupo sila sa katabi kong upuan. "Anak, give it a rest. Masama sa lagay mo ang mapagod." I felt his Mom caressed my back. I clutched my rosary on hand before looking up to her.

"Ayos lang po ako, Tita. I have to be here when he wakes up. Nag-iingat naman po ako." I replied with a timid smile.

Nag-iingat naman ako. I know a hospital isn't a best place for a pregnant woman like me but I want to be here. I want to see Ken. Ayaw kong umuwi. Ayaw kong mawala siya sa paningin ko. I've consulted the doctor's opinion about my choice, he doesn't like the idea but he understands my decision.