Somebody To Call Mine (Completed)

KABANATA XLIV

KABANATA XLIV: He's gone

KEN'S POV

I could still remember how hard I beg for Mandy to stay. Kung gaano ako nagpakababa para hindi niya ko iwanan. I stoop down to that level just for love. The kind of love she chose to throw away. It's kind of painful to hear her say that everything that we did is just for lust. Na tawag lang ng laman. Na walang ibig sabihin ang lahat. Kasi para sakin lahat ng nangyare ng gabing yun ay labis kong pinapahalagahan.

I never do passionate s-ex. I always make sure it's casual and there's no emotions attached. But with Mandy, I let it all out. Pinaramdam ko lahat ng mga bagay na nun ko lang nalaman na kaya ko pala. I never thought that she could make me scream in pleasure and pain.

Sobra kong nasaktan at pakiramdam ko ng mga oras yun pwede ng sumabog ang dibdib ko sa sobrang sakit. It's like my whole being is being torn into tiny little pieces. Ganun kasakit. Ganun ako kamiserable. Ganun ang impact niya sakin.

She's my sweetest downfall and I hate that fact.

I took a deep breath and tried to reason out things. I want to convince myself that everything has a reason. That she's doing this to me because of a good gooddamn reason. Isang dahilan na hindi ko mahagilap sa utak ko. I can't find enough reason for her to that. I ended up getting a handful of my hair and facing the hard ground. Wala akong maisip na dahilan para gawin niya yun. My tired being can't get hold of the fact that she left me.

I lost all the control I have in my life. My mom saw how weak I can become. How hard I can cry and how much it pains me to feel betrayed and alone.

"Ken, your cousins are here. Hindi mo ba sila haharapin man lang?" I was back to my senses when I heard my mom called my name. Hindi ko makita ang mukha niya but I know she's infront of the door. Balot na balot ng dilim ang buong kwarto ko na para bang takot ako na masinagan ng araw.

I've been a prisoner of my own room and I chose it that way.

"Tell them I want to be alone, Ma." I said simply.

I heard her grunted and disagree with my reply. "Ilang araw na silang pabalik-balik dito. Hindi ka man nagpapakita aba anak nag-aalala na din sila sa lagay mo." 

Malapit kaming lahat sa isa't-isa and I will not be surprised if they are going berserk about what happen to me and Mandy but as much as I want to tell them. Ayaw kong magalit sila kay Mandy. Ayaw kong magkaroon ng rift ang bawat isa. Dahil umaasa ako balang araw na magkakabalikan kami. That we'll end up together.

Alam ko namang nag-aalala silang lahat sakin. Ito ang unang pagkakataon na nalugmok ako ng sobra ng dahil sa isang babae. Hindi kasi nila alam ang pinagdaanan ko noon. Para sakanila, this is the great fall of the womanizer kaya natatakot sila sa pinagdadaanan ko.

I groaned silently when a sharp light entered my room. I closed my eyes. Ayaw kong dumilat at makita ang realidad na wala si Mandy sa tabi ko. "Ken..." she called me. I kept mum with my eyes closed. But I felt her hand on my shoulder.

I was forced to look up and open my tired eyes. Mahapdi ang mga mata ko sa kawalan ng tulog. Ni hindi ko magawang matulog ng tama dahil sa twing dadalawin ako ng antok siya ang napapanaginipan ko. "Magiging okay din ang lahat, anak." She caressed my cheeks. "Hwag kang masiraan ng loob. Andito lang kaming lahat para sayo." She was smiling. She's doing everything to make me strong amidst my personal crisis. "She's a fine lady and I know she has reason for doing that. Hwag mong pangunahan ng galit ang dibdib mo." aniya na agad tinutulan ng puso ko.