Somebody To Call Mine (Completed)

KABANATA LXVIII

KABANATA LXVIII: Mend our hearts.

Halos lumipad ang sasakyan ni Ken dahil tawag na natanggap ko. Para akong nauupos na kandila sa bawat segundong tinatagal ng byahe namin. Mariin akong nakapikit at nagdadasal na sana'y walang masamang nangyare sa kahit sino sa mga anak ko. Like what I said, I will die right there and then if something bad happens to them.

Hindi ko na nahintay na pagbuksan ako ng pinto ni Ken. The moment he pulled over the hospital car park I made sure I'll reach my sons as soon as possible. I couldn't feel y limbs and as if I lost all the feeling in this world. I was biting my lower lip for quite some time and I could almost taste my own blood, but I don't really mind. No amount of blood can make me forget the horror in Yaya's voice when she told me my children are in the hospital. 

I was about to ran off again when a sharp tugged on my arms stopped me. It was Ken—catching his breath.

"You've gotta be kiddin' me. You're pregnant, damn it! Don't run!" hasik niya. Napatda ako sa tinuran niya. Nawala sa loob ko ang kondisyon ko. Mabilis na dumapo ang libre kong kamay sa aking tiyan.

Umiling-iling si Ken at nagpatianod ako sa hawak niya. He inquired about our twin's whereabouts and it lead us to the hospital's emergency room. Doon naming naabutan si Yaya na mugto ang mga matang naghihintay sa labas ng isang silid. Agad naman niyang naramdaman ang presensya namin kaya't nahuli ko ang pangamba sa kaniyang mga mata.

With that, I knew something is wrong with them.

Napakabilis ng mga pangyayari. Few moments ago, Ken and I were in a heated argument and now we're side by side in the hospital hallways—equally nervous of what lies ahead. Sa isang iglap nawala ang hidwaan sa pagitan namin. Sa isang iglap nabalewala ko ang lahat ng mga nangyare nung nakaraan. Sa isang iglap Ken and I share the same feeling—fear of losing our children.

Naiiyak ako sa posibilidad na may mangyareng masama sakanila. They are my precious ones and I would die if something bad happens to them.

"It's my fault." I whispered through the air. Kung sana ay mas inuna ko sila kaysa sa kagustuhan kong harapin ang kanilang ama. Kasalanan ko dahil bilang ina ay bigo akong pangalagaan ang kaligtasan nila.

It's my damn fault.

It's all my fault.

Pakiramdam ko ay nangangapal ang buo kong katawan. Namamanhid ang mga kamay ko sa sobrang higpit ng aking hawak. I can hear the loud beating of my heart and the shrieks and whims of the people around me.

I slightly groaned when a sudden burst of pain strikes my head. Panandalian akong nahilo at napasandal sa kinauupuan ko. Bigla kong naalala na buntis ako. That I have another child on the way.

Naramdaman ko ang pagbaling ni Ken sa kinaroroonan ko. He's been trying to comfort me for the past 30 minutes or so but I vowed not to let him touch me. Kahit alam kong kailangan ko nang makakapitan sa mga oras na 'to. He certainly fits the pillar that I need. He's my epitome of strength. But I'm afraid he'll hurt me more the moment his hand touches my skin.  

My fists were both tightly clenched as I tremble in fear and worry.

"They'll be fine. You have to relax." He cajoled and assured me at the same time. I shook my head and let another batch of tears to fall. Hindi maawat ang bawat patak na bumubukal sa mga mata ko. Doble ang kabang nararamdaman ko sa mga oras na 'to.

"Anong klaseng ina ko? Bakit nagging pabaya ako? It's my damn fault! It was all my fault." I was clouded with thoughts of losing my twins. I can't afford that. Ikamamatay ko.

 I felt his hands on my cheeks trying to wipe every tears that I let out. Hindi na ko nakahuma sa ginawa niya at tuluyang napayakap sa kaniyang katawan. Niyakap ko siya nang mahigpit. I hate Ken, but right now more than anyone else, he shares the same fears with me. We both fear the welfare of our kids.