What Tears Us Apart(Sequel to What Brings Us Together)

Chapter Thirty-Seven: With All My Heart

~~~Laura~~~

I FaceTimed Cisco with the tablet and sat down in a chair in front of his computer.

"Ok, now will you tell me what is going on?" I asked, looking at him. He took a deep breath. His hair was a mess, like he had been tugging at it a lot, and it didn't look like he'd slept in a while. "Whoa...dude, you look awful."

"Yeah, well there's a reason for that." He said desperately.

"Cisco, what is happening?"

"You know those tests I've been meaning to run on your whole, hulk-out, super meltdown thing? Well, now that I'm with my parents, I've had a lot of spare time on my hands, so I ran the tests while I was at Star Labs, and then have been studying them on my computer here." I nodded.

"Ok, so what have you found?"

"Well...that's where things get complicated," He answered,"Ok so your powers are based on raw, dark matter energy. You didn't fall into the shelf of chemicals like Barry did when you were both struck by lightening, so you were just subjected to the un-altered dark matter energy. Your body is using most of that energy to mutate your cells, and then your force fields and your ability to fly are the result of the residual dark matter energy being focused to whatever source your body is using at the time. Like for force fields, you focus the residual energy to your hands, or when you're flying, to your torso area-"

"Cisco, we covered all of this when I first discovered my powers," I pointed out to him. "Why are you giving me a recap?"

"I have a point, I swear." I sighed. "What triggered your melt-down?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what happened specifically to cause you to go into hyper-drive?" I thought about it.

"Memory. I was remembering Ralph's death and that triggered this...whatever this is. It was like, I was reliving it, and that triggered the emotions, which caused me to remember and...I really don't want to relive this again-"

"Fine, fine, fine, just look at the desktop and click on the third file from the bottom." I clicked on it revealing what I thought to be a brain scan. It was the shape of a brain, but instead of the usual infrared scans of a normal brain, this one was completely filled in white. I furrowed my eyebrows. "Are you looking at it?"

"I think so. The question is, what am I looking at?"

"The filled in part? That's dark matter." I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Dark matter? It's completely filled in, that can't be healthy."

"It's not. When you 'hulk out', the source of your body that you are using in that particular instance is your brain, or more specifically, your limbic system, which is basically your memory center. The residual dark matter energy is flooding your brain, which explains the white eyes thing, but..."

"But what?" I asked.

"But the Limbic system is also connected to your emotions. So the emotional signals from your brain, mixed with the residual dark matter caused your dark matter levels to mutate...it raises your levels to twice the amount of an average metahuman, and all of that energy is concentrated on one place..."

"So, what does that mean?" I questioned, starting to get scared. He swallowed, and I could see the pain that was in his eyes. He was refraining from telling me something. "Cisco, talk to me, what does that mean?"

"What did you have for lunch yesterday, Laura?" I furrowed my eyebrows, annoyance bubbling up inside of me.

"How is that relevant right now-"

"It is, just answer the question."  I shook my head, thinking back to yesterday.

"I don't know, I can't remember.

"What about dinner? What did you have for dinner last night?" I thought back again. Dinner...what did I have for dinner...now that I think about it, what did I even do last night? I furrowed my eyebrows, struggling to piece together the information.

"I don't...I don't know." He nodded. "I don't know anything that happened last night. Cisco what is happening?"

"It's starting with your short term memory. The dark matter is frying your limbic system, so now, every single time you use your powers, the more you are going to begin to forget. If you keep using your powers...or if you hulk out again...eventually you're not going to remember anything."

"Anything?" I asked. "What exactly does anything entail?"

"Your body functions should still be fine, but..."

"But what?" I asked. He shook his head. "Tell me. But what?"

"But it's possible you might forget everything after adolescence. Everything that has happened since you moved to Central City will be gone, completely wiped from your mind." I shook my head, slowly sinking into the desk chair.

"So, don't use my powers, or forget my entire adult life. Those are my options?" I asked.

"Unfortunately. I mean, you're injured, so you won't be using your powers much anyway, but..." I leaned my elbows on my knees, hiding my face in my hands. "Do you want me to explain all of this to Ralph and Hannah-"

"No." My head snapped up and I looked at him again. "You can't breathe a word of this to anybody."

"Laura...they're your family. They deserve to know-"

"We need as many people as we can focused on Cicada, especially the metas, since they're missing both of us anyway." I told him. "If Hannah and Ralph know about this, they are going to dedicate their time to trying to figure out how to fix it, instead of focusing on him."

"Just think about this. Wouldn't you want to know if this was happening to them?" 

"It doesn't matter what I would want to know," I told him, "If I have to choose between my family knowing about this, or the potential to save lives of innocent people, Metahumans in particular, I don't really think I have a choice, do you?" He sighed.

"You always have a choice," He answered. I shook my head."And I highly doubt your husband will see it that way, but it's your funeral. I'll see what I can find out. I'm going to try my best to find a way to reverse it, but...I'm going to needs some medical help. I could talk to Caitlin-"

"No." I said. "We'll need her for Cicada too." I thought for a moment. "Thomas. Thomas can help you."

"Thomas never graduated medical school-"

"But he's not a meta. He just joined the team, so we won't be down any man power. In this case, he's our best option." He sighed, tugging at his hair.

"I still don't like not telling Ralph."

"Well, then its a good thing it's not your secret to tell." I answered. I settled back in my chair. This is real. I have the potential to lose my memory entirely. Everything I've been through with Barry, Team Flash...Ralph. All of that, gone. I wouldn't even know that I was a Meta.

"Are you ok?" 

"I've been better." I said, running a hand through my hair.

"Laura...going through this alone-"

"I'm not alone. I have you and I'll have Thomas when I explain everything to him." I said. "I have to go. Keep digging."

"Ok, but Laura-" I hung up, closing the file and leaning back in the chair. This cannot be happening right now. I sighed, walking over to the table and grabbing a notebook and a pen. I began to write.

Dear Ralph and Hannah,

If you are reading this...I have no idea who you are. I don't even know that you exist and for that...I am truly sorry. I understand that I have some explaining to do, but I just wanted you to know this first:

I love you both. With all my heart.