Side by Side...

2018/12/5 - Disdain

Your vibrant eyes are full of gentleness,
and your sweet smile is filled with warmth.
Silent.
You are silent, staring at me with
those luminous eyes and
that sickeningly sweet smile.
Why?

You sit and stare, never saying
what you want from me, and I fear
this throbbing in my head.
Bright.
You are illuminated, glowing brilliantly
in contrast to the darkness 
that surrounds you.
Pain.

Your face brings me pain, and
your gentle eyes remind me of what
I should not remember.
Remember.
You are smirking at me, your hand is extended
out to me, inviting me to take it, because
you know that I would do anything for you.
Smirking.

You... you could take everything away,
tempting me to join you with your honeyed words
and gentle eyes in my dreams.
Silence.
You offer me your extended hand, yet I am met by silence,
never questioning your intentions as you smirk,
offering me your hand that leads to painful dreams.
Hurt.

Your eyes, despite their brightness, hide a tinge of pain,
and I know that I caused it, I can remember
how we became nothing.
Sorry.
I regret saying those things to you, for doing that
which you did not approve of, and you smirk at my apology,
feeding off of my feelings of guilt.
Unworthy.

I am unworthy of mercy from you. If you have really come
to haunt me, then hold nothing back - the pain I caused you
is not enough to equal the misery of living in this body.
Memory.
My favorite memories are of you though. Your smile, your laugh,
your face, and the times we spent together cause me to
show you a bittersweet smile.
Ruin.

You ruined the walls that surrounded my heart, but 
it was a welcome ruin, one that made me happier than I
ever was before, but then I ruined us.
Sadness. 
When it was all over, I felt nothing but sadness, because
nothing compared to the feeling of being with you,
and I never told you that I was sorry.
Anger.

My sadness turned into anger, but the others probably
told you about it before you... permanently left;
my headaches became worse and more frequent.
Disdain.
But now I am here, seeing you smirk at me with an extended hand
and gentle eyes that remind me of what we once were,
yet I am unsure if I should take your hand.
Death.

Death awaits me with you, I can see that much -
you are inviting me to join you, to be with you again.
You are still brilliant and cunning, even in death
you know what my heart and soul desperately want,
and I am tempted to take your hand.
But how can I when death has not claimed me yet?

Disdain.
I feel nothing but disdain for this life
that binds me here against my will.