Side by Side...

October 19, 2018 - Oh Heart, Oh Mind

You're foolish, 
Both of you, 
Once again 
You have made me
Fall for that which
I can never have.

You make me believe
In the lies that you fabricate,
Causing me to engage in
Thoughts of fantasy.

Let's face it,
Who could ever care about me?
I have given people reasons not to
Time and time again,
But I cannot seem to wake up from
This accursed fantasy -
Stop playing tricks on me,
Stop fooling me into thinking
That someone might actually care,
Because no one ever does,
At least not enough to stay.

Why do you not understand this -
It is hopeless to even think about it.
She is beyond my reach,
She could never harbor feelings for me:
There is no chance of ever 
Having 'something' with her.

I don't even know what this 'something' is.
At times I want to be her friend,
But, sometimes, you two change your plans -
You make me think these foolish thoughts,
Implanting false ideas of hope,
And I begin to ignorantly think:
What if she could care about me?

What a silly thought that is!
Even if she could, that doesn't mean she would,
And, besides, she is better off without me
Slowing her down, hindering her,
Because on some days I feel great, and
Other days I feel in the worst possible way -
It would not be fair to her,
And she deserves better than that:
She deserves the sun, the moon, the stars,
Nothing compares to her.

Oh heart, you ignorant twat!
Stop trying to jump out of my chest
Whenever she draws near.
Stop making me feel things that I should not,
This is not fair for anyone,
And you are making it a million times harder
Simply by beating erratically in my chest.

She may have a beautiful smile,
An amazing laugh,
And a gorgeous soul buried behind those eyes,
But she could, and would never, feel for you, too.
And mind, you foolish one,
Have you no shame?
Why do you drift to her when there are things
Other than her smile to ponder?

It leaves me in awe every time,
How you are able to construe the truth
And convince me that she could care about me.
Stop trying to obstruct reality,
Stop reexamining her kind words, and
Stop trying to make something out of nothing -
Even if she could care about me, she never would.

I wish someone would stay, especially her,
She makes me feel happy, 
(Something I haven't felt in a long time), and
I feel like I can just be myself around her.
She laughs at my stupid jokes,
Her smile is so radiant, so beautiful,
She is easy to talk to, and I could easily 
Talk to her nonstop; however,
I know that it isn't my place to feel these things.

She may make me feel these strange things
But I am unworthy of her, and she could never
Care about me like I care about her.
Oh heart, oh mind,
I am a glutton for punishment
Because of you!