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liked by seaveydaniel and 256,875 others jackaverymusic see you next week x
*****
Depression is the unseen, unheard, silent killer. It's the pain that's too much to cope with, too hard to deal with and so misunderstood. You can't escape it no matter how hard you try, because it follows you around like a black shadow that's on the inside slowly eating you out.
When the therapist said she could do no more for me except recommend a support group at the edge of town made up of youth struggling with Mental Disorders, my mum thought it was the only thing left to do. The group was a complete mess, our minds something uncontrollable and some of the kids have grown insane. I hated it for the first 4 month of sitting in that classroom, plastic, blue chair talking about my "emotions" and how I've "developed" over the fortnight since we last sat in a sappy circle and talked. I had tried hiding in my room, having things on, everything but still I'm dragged down the footsteps of our cosy house into the car and to downtown on the Thursday evening at 7pm sharp.
First we go clockwise starting with Jess, a girl who can barely speak because she is so scared and shy. Her long black hair covers her porcelain skin and she always nervously taps her foot against the ground.
Then Rachel who is the complete opposite constantly talking trying to hide her crippling anxiety. Her blonde bob cut jumps around her face and she basically acts out her week and her feelings.
Next is Brent who has had an eating disorder for the past 8 years, he is 24 with the longest legs I've ever seen so skinny and he's like a hollow tree trunk. He says the same thing every session "I ate this week".
Beside Brent always sits this boy, Tyler who is always a tinge of red as he suffers from an uncontrollable anger disorder, often providing the entertainment of the night when he occasionally screams.
Then there is Stanley who if you couldn't already tell suffers from major OCD, he comes in early to make sure the chairs are completely in a perfect circle and his top button is always done up.
Lastly, my personal favourite Stefani. She sits next to me in the circle and is the craziest one there as she has Todd syndrome or known as Alice in Wonderland syndrome which is the best bit. She once started walking around like she was a giant and it made my day.
Yes, mental illnesses aren't something to be joked around with but those out of the blue moments often lift my dead spirit. As my mum once again drags me from the dinning table into our car, I think of what to say again. I get away with one liners because that's all Lindsey, the social worker expects from a girl who has depression. Besides the amount of attempts, I'm basically normal, so within the odd bunch I seem unusual to be sitting there.
"we are late"
"well couldn't get ya ass into the car yourself could ya." I roll my eyes, one thing I did know was that I hated being late. My mum treats me like a deformed child acting as if I'm incapable of everything, I'm not I just chose not to sometimes. The car comes to a sharp halt outside the assembly hall its held. My mum ushers me out the door waving before chugging off to her pilates as I emotionlessly open the door. The voices are quiet as I drift through the passages tugging at my grey sweater for warmth as my doc martins slide across the floor. I open the door quietly peering in,
