Problems of an Invisible Girl

Chapter 7

She got a bit scolded at school but still, she didn't get into a lot of trouble probably because she was always a reliable student. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, teachers rarely scolded straight-A student even if they were somewhat invisible in their minds. Sometimes it felt as if they saw her only as a safe source of correct answers when the other students had no idea how to answer the questions. They would make themselves feel better by claiming they at least taught one student something important but the moment the class was over they would forget she even existed. So she could get away with missing a few classes without any serious consequences. Still, it didn't make her feel any better since she knew there was a big chance of that happening again, and she had to find a way to stop it. Having no idea what to do she went to the library in a futile attempt to find something that might be at least remotely helpful. For the first time in a while she started feeling some strong emotions, mostly anger but still, it was good to feel something that proved to her she was still alive. Of course, real life wasn't like the movies, she didn't find a useful book that would answer all of her questions. As a matter of fact, she didn't find anything. In the movies they always made it look so simple, researching about anything, but she realized real life was much messier and unpredictable.

Having found absolutely nothing helpful she went back home disappointed, only to be met by her mom. Unfortunately for Rina, she was in one of her moods where Rina was semi-visible. That, in turn, meant another long 'conversation'. Meaning her mom would talk, and she would sit there pretending to listen because it usually had nothing to do with her. Usually, it was a lot of complaining about her bothers since they weren't around to hear it. Her mom would have never said anything to their faces, for her it was much better to vent to Rina who had no choice in the matter but to pretend to listen. There was a lot of complaining about everyone and everything and even about people who complain. She wanted to laugh out loud but kept her mouth shut knowing that would only bring her a heap of trouble. In her own mind, she considered how ridiculous it was that the woman who complained about everyone and everything didn't appreciate other people doing the same. When those monologues first started Rina naively tried to participate in the conversation and ended up always being rudely cut off. Or even silenced by her mother's famous: "You are too young to understand this. You will see when you have your own children. "Finally Rina learned her lesson, and she stuck to short acknowledging sounds and words of agreement although she often had no idea what the problem was. This time Rina was saved by her mother's sudden realization that she didn't confirm the band for the next day. It was for her brother's birthday party, and she was a bit crashed that no one even remembered to say happy birthday to her but there they were making a huge party for her brother. Nevertheless, she took up the opportunity to run away and hide in her room, her sanctuary. She spent most of her time in its cozy comfort, and she loved it.

Everything seemed okay until her mother screamed for her to come and help out since it was after all her brother's birthday and that she should be more willing to help out. So she had no choice but to help out with the decorations and arrangements having neither will nor strength to argue. In the past, she would have brought up the fact that they forgot her birthday, but she didn't see the point anymore. Their answer would be the same as usually: "Rina you are so selfish. You only think about yourself and love playing the victim. Can't you show some respect towards your brothers." It didn't seem to matter to her mother that they never showed any respect towards her. They treated her as if she wasn't good enough. In moments like this one, she felt like a humble servant who had to do what she was told not to lose her privileges. No one actually asked her to do things, they told her what she had to do, no questions asked. It was her duty as a good daughter. A good daughter had to respect her parents and apparently her siblings even if they were being idiots. Instead of arguing against the injustice she learned to shut off her feelings and let it go. Unfortunately, in the last few days, it was difficult for her to turn off her emotions. Since the invisibility started, she seemed to be oversensitive to being what she always was, unnoticed. On the outside, she could do what she was told and pretend to be okay but on the inside, she was struggling with emotions that overwhelmed her more than they ever did before. She wasn't sure why that was, but she had to try to control her feelings if she didn't want to turn invisible again. So she tried to focus on the work and nothing else but it was a difficult thing to accomplish.

Anyone who has ever tried not thinking about something knows that once you try to do that the only thing you can think about is the topic you forbade yourself. The same goes for emotions. No matter how long she told herself to stop feeling self-pity and that awful feeling of not being there, of being unnoticed and unnoticeable. She managed to stay visible during the preparation but in the morning once again she woke up invisible. It probably had something to do with her, not being able to sleep and thinking of how unimportant she was. How she could disappear and no one would even notice. She felt like the world was against her like it wanted her gone. Once again she cried herself to sleep thinking how invisible and unloved they made her feel. She tried to stop herself but it was impossible, she was utterly crushed. In consequence, she was facing a new problem. Once more invisible, she felt a bit better that at least there was some kind of national holiday, so she didn't have to go to school. Sadly for her, there was something much worse she had to do that day. She had to be present for her brother's birthday. For her family, missing her brother's birthday would be worse than anything she could do, and she knew that very well but had no idea how to turn visible again. Her attempt to think happy thoughts wasn't paying off since she couldn't focus. The pressure was too much for her to bear. She could already imagine her mother's angry face and the comments about family values. She had listened to those lectures a dozen times before, and she didn't want to listen to them again. Regrettably, she started realizing that she would have to get ready to face her mother's wrath since she was too nervous and anxious to think happy thoughts. She couldn't help but wonder if any of the things that were happening would have happened if her father was around. Although she couldn't remember him clearly, she thought they probably had a lot of good days together, like that day at the beach. That only made her even sadder since she couldn't go back in time and change the past.

Not wanting to suddenly turn visible in front of everyone and not wanting to hear her mother's enraged searches for her she sneaked out to the backyard. Sneaked out because although she was invisible she could still be heard but luckily they were too busy to notice anything. The backyard was one of her favorite places since it had a few tall trees that she could climb when she wanted to run away from everything. Her brothers were never interested in anything that had to do with nature so usually, she had the backyard all to herself. She decided to climb to the highest branch of the tallest tree so that they couldn't notice her if she suddenly turned visible. It was such a relief for her to be out of the house that was getting overcrowded with every passing moment. For her there was nothing like being high above everything, embracing the nature and avoiding the civilization. It felt like she could be anything she ever wanted, up there all alone with her dreams and wishes. She didn't feel left out of the world, instead, she felt special. She felt special for being given the amazing opportunity to enjoy the breathtaking view in front of her and to be so close to the sky. Nature never judged or discriminated as people did. Although she admitted to herself the fact that she was shy and weird she always hoped that someone would understand, at least her family. But it only made them shy away from her since, for them different was always bad. Well, at least she had her safe place and could enjoy the gentle breeze without having to pretend who she was. Nothing could last forever and soon enough she could see herself turning visible again. Good feelings of being free got rid of her problem faster than she expected, and she slowly climbed down the tree. She didn't realize she was there for hours until she saw her mother's face contorted with anger. "You. Missed. Your. Brother's. Birthday." She spat out in anger.