Problems of an Invisible Girl

Chapter 19

At first, Rina did some smaller things that she always thought about doing, but was told she wouldn't be good enough. Things like dancing, and learning Spanish, but since that made her feel wonderful she decided to try other things, as well. More challenging things, things she considered even a bit dangerous. Feeling alive was such a new concept to her that she was gradually becoming addicted to it. How could she not? For the first time in her whole life, she could do whatever she wanted. Not only that, but she could also do it without being judged or laughed at. For her, that was like a breath of fresh air, and she wanted more. She wanted so much more. It was like she had been storing up things in a drawer in the back of her mind and finally, it was filled up and it spilled over. All the things that she wasn't allowed to do, or thought she wasn't good enough to do, came back rushing in and swiping her away in their firm embrace. Free. Was that how it felt to be truly free. Well, she wasn't completely free, she still had to do the house chores, but she was free in another, more important sense. She was free of worrying about what the people, especially her family would say or do. It felt like her whole life she was a bird with a broken wing, and finally, after such a long time she was able to fly again. High above the judgments and hatred of others, high up into the beautiful clouds that only offered peace and tranquility.

One of the strange and more difficult things she decided to do, was ice skating. That was a challenge for many reasons. The first reason was that it was usually crowded, so she couldn't try it out. Bumping into someone was a certainty, and she didn't want to freak people out. The other problem was the fact that she would have to stand on ice skates, and she was the kind of person who had problems standing on her own two feet without tripping. Still, that didn't stop her. Usually, that would have been enough to make her walk away from the challenge, but that was the old Rina, the new one was ready to face the challenge head-on. Instead of giving up, she started thinking about the solution. Finally, she noticed that the ice rink was open in the early mornings, but there were fewer people then. So one day, when there were just a few people on the ice rink she decided to give it a try, of course, she did it while invisible. She managed to put on her skates and turn invisible without anyone noticing. The interesting thing about her invisibility was that whatever she wore when turning invisible turned invisible as well, but if she put something on after turning invisible it would stay visible, awkwardly floating in the air. It was very strange, but it was also useful to know. It would have been traumatic if people were to see two skates going around the rink on their own.

Once she entered the ice rink, she was very unstable on her feet. It was both exhilarating and scary. She took a hold of the fence and was content with just moving slowly and wobbly against the fence, often times tightly hugging it to keep herself from falling down. After about twenty minutes, she started letting go of the fence and trying to move on her own. When she felt like she might fall down, she went back to holding on for dear life. After some time passed, she became more confident and started letting go of the fence for longer stretches of time, and she felt a sense of accomplishment. Suddenly, during one of her longer excursions away from the fence, she fell down and couldn't get up. The reason she couldn't get up was that she was laughing so much that she had no control whatsoever of any part of her body. Luckily enough, there was no one nearby to hear her laugh. It would have been eerie to just hear a laugh without seeing its source. She tried to get up many times and failed because of a long fit of giggles. It was the first time she could remember herself actually giggling like a person with no worries in the world. It felt so liberating for her to be able to do that. After spending more time than she should have, just lying on the ice she finally managed to get herself upright, and she kept on skating with a bit more confidence and with a joy that she rarely felt.

After leaving the ice rink, she had just enough time before school to enjoy a nice sunny day. Still invisible, she sat on a park bench and enjoyed the smallest things. She enjoyed the gentle rustle of the leaves and the fact that the leaves seemed to be in different shades of green. The false image was created by the sun shining on some leaves and not on the others, making it look as if some leaves were light green while others were dark green. Rina stood up and went to stand under a huge tree staring at its leaves, and admiring the way the sun spilled its rays through the tree branches. It was so beautiful, and she had never noticed it before. She was too busy holding her head down, trying to be invisible, unnoticeable. The reason for that was the fact that when people did notice her, it was only so that they could better make fun of her. Finally, she was able to raise her head without worrying, after all, she was invisible. Suddenly she started spinning around the tree just because she felt like it, and then she fell down on the soft grass and stayed like that for some time. She admired the perfect blue skies and the mesmerizing shapes of clouds. There was a whole world that she neglected just because she didn't want to bother anyone with her unwelcome presence. Even when she was with people who called themselves her friends, she felt like they didn't want her there, like she didn't belong. So she tried to help people out by ridding them of her presence. Instead of focusing on herself, she used to focus on other people and what they might feel, no one appreciated her care. Now was the time to focus on herself and what made her happy.

Although she was having a lot of fun with her new schedule and activities, she was still looking forward to Serena's return. She needed to know, now more than ever, why they were invisible. Although she felt happy when she was outside, her house life had never been worse. For some reason, she thought that maybe if she knew the whole truth about everything, she could find a way to deal with her adoptive family. It was difficult for her to stop her mind from wondering when she was alone in her room, ignored by her family. Who was she? Why did she have the invisibility, why now? If she was being honest with herself the thing that she wanted to know the most was who were her real parents and why they left her. The first thing that came to Rina's mind was that they didn't want her, but she really hoped there was more to the story. That made her feel double rejected. Her biological family just left her without ever looking back and her adoptive family never truly accepted her. Well, except for her late dad and her great-grandma. Was she really so unlovable? She tried to get rid of those thoughts because she knew they shouldn't be in the head of a new and improved Rina. Nevertheless, she couldn't stop them from popping in her head from time to time. The only thing that could drown it all out at home were her books, that was why she read even more than usual.