Problems of an Invisible Girl

Chapter 4

The more she thought about it the more she remembered how she felt as if she was nothing, just air no one noticed. This feeling wasn't new to her but somehow the previous night she had felt worse about herself. She felt that if they forgot her 18th birthday along with all her other birthdays she must have been so insignificant for the world in general. So the previous night, even she started believing that she wasn't worthy of taking up space, she believed strongly that the world would have been much better if she was invisible. Maybe that was the reason she was invisible. That was the first time she felt that they were so right about her, that she was unworthy of the good life she had. Mind you, she spent years listening to people telling her that she wasn't good enough, that she was insignificant and with time a person starts believing in those stories. Even her Zizi couldn't stop her from believing what the rest of the world thought and the previous night was the last drop, the last step towards her being invisible.


As she sat there contemplating her invisibility and what she should do about it, unwanted memories started floating in. Memories that reminded her just how invisible she felt at times. She remembered how they would insist on having family time when they would all sit down and just chat. Well, at least her mother and her brothers were chatting, and she was just sitting there wondering why they even called her for the family meeting when they didn't let her say anything. They always insisted that she had to stay but once she sat down it seemed as if they forgot about her. They would start talking about people she didn't know and laughing at situations that she didn't fully understand since she wasn't there. She was never there, even when she was physically present, she wasn't there. It was a torture sitting through those family meetings, because even if they did listen to her she would have nothing to say since they kept talking about some things they experienced together, without her. Sitting uncomfortably in the cozy armchair she would look at the clock, and the seconds ticking by just wishing for the family time to be over so that she could go back to her room. In her room, she could wrap her favorite blanket around her and read one of the amazing books she had. The only thing she lacked was her family's attention, everything else was provided in abundance.

Shaking off the memories she tried to focus on the problem at hand. If it was really her feeling of invisibility that caused all that maybe she should just try to do the opposite, try to feel visible and important enough to take up space. That was easier said than done, she was never good at being self-confident, but she tried her best to feel the emotions that were so unfamiliar to her. "You are good enough! You are strong! You are smart, special, wonderful!" although she didn't actually believe what she was saying it seemed to be working. She was visible in a form of a transparent shimmer, something that reminded her of a ghost and was even creepier than being fully invisible. To boost her confidence she started thinking about Zizi and all the good things she told her and how kind she was toward Rina when no one else was. Once she focused on how it felt to be visible by someone she could see herself finally turning visible and not a moment too soon since there was a knock on the door. Enthusiastic she thought that it was a belated birthday acknowledgment, but she was wrong it was just one of her brothers wanting something from her. He needed Math tutoring and that is when he remembered her. It was always like that, so no surprise there. She helped him out just to get rid of him so that she could start researching about her problem. It never even crossed her mind to ask him or any other member of her immediate family for help and her great-grandma didn't have a phone or any other modern devices since she preferred to live in nature, in peace and quiet.

After two hours her brother left since he had a date or something like that. Rocky was always like that, he would come and disturb people's schedule without even thinking that someone might have other things to do. Then he would leave as suddenly as he came having some other things to do. Rina didn't blame him for his behavior, he simply was never taught how to respect others and their time. He barely respected their mother, and she gave birth to him what should others expect from him? When he left her bedroom, she was finally able to start her research. Where to start was a difficult question, but she decided to just type in invisibility and see what came up on the Internet. No other option was available to her at the time, so she decided that no matter how unreliable the internet was, she would give it a try. After hours of research, she didn't find anything that would be helpful, she found different opinions and theories on invisibility but no way to stop it. "Now what? " She wondered.