She Reign

-Chapter 30

Katniss

During the last two weeks things seemed to be back to normal. The kingdom was running as well as it could. I was once again involeved in the descisions of my country.

However things weren't back to normal for me, I felt lonely.

Peeta was my best friend, the person who was always next to me. It took time to get used to doing stuff on my own that I used to do with him.

Eating was a big one, I always ate with Peeta next to me and Louis. 

Johanna and Haymich take turns eating with me and Louis. It's become a routine now.

Walking with Louis is now just me.

Our bed has now turned into my bed.

I know Haymich and Jo are worried about me. They don't think it's healthy how I just suppressed my emotions in order think of France first.

Haymich always comes to check up on me in the middle of the night, I pretend to be asleep but I hardly sleep. I have probably gone 2 days without sleeping, only taking small naps.

The day I sat at my throne thinking I was on the verge of a breakdown. The throne room was empty and I remebered how I stood up here to announce his death and how quickly I was forced to send to shit my emotions.

A door opening made me look up. I immedietly stood up and ran. I threw myself onto him and I held him tight. He softly stoked my hair and I felt tears on my neck and he could feel my tears on his neck.

We slowly sat on the floor not letting eachother go, I missed his embrace.

"It's be so difficult, so difficult" I said in a whisper.

He didn't say anything he just held me in his arms until I fell asleep.

When I woke up, he was next to me holding my hand.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I sat up.

"I came to check up on you" he said with a small smile on his face.

His blue eyes looked at me, they were filled with sadness.

"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I couldn't make it" The tears began to fall from his face and I knew it was time for me to comfort him.

I opened my arms and he sat between my legs and I held him while he cried.

I softly stoked his hair as he let it all out.

We comforted eachother.

"Thank you for coming Philip" I whispered.

"I would never let you go through this alone" he said and I know he meant it.

"When do you go back?" I asked him.

"I have arranged a long stay, I want to help you through this" he kissed my forehead.

"Thank you" I said and he nodded.

A couple of months later

Today has been the first time in month where I woke up not feeling an empty feeling in my bed.

Infact as I woke up I was happy and I couldn't wait to get up.

My ladies walked in, "Good morning Katniss"

"Good morning girls" I smiled at them. Glimmer and Clove immedietly went to my closet to pick out options for dresses.

When they came back all the options were black which I understood because for so long all I wanted was to wear black, it felt as if that was the only way to express my emotions.